"I have loved you for 33 years"

 

Introduction:-

She walked out of the customs area into the arrivals hall, through the automated doors, and I immediately saw that the photo I had received from her was recent- she hadn't sent an old picture to try and look better than she did. "Damn, but she's gorgeous', was all I could think. She walked over to me, and I wrapped my arms around her in a warm welcome. As I held her close, I said "Welcome home sweetie!", and while her perfume filled my senses, she softly whispered in my ear, "I have loved you for 33 years"!

 

Chapter 1:-

September 1982 - It's been a hard year as far as relationships go. I've been dating a beautiful woman for about 2 years now. For the last 12 weeks I've been working on a contract about 700km from home, and we only get to see each other maybe every 3rd or 4th weekend. But we seem to be coping. It's only for another month or so, then I'll be back home. While away, I've invested in a nice solitaire diamond engagement ring, I know she likes this style, and I know her finger size, so this should go well. This weekend I'm going to propose.

Arriving home, I tell my parents about my plan, dad doesn't say much other than ask if I'm sure, mom says I'm making a mistake! Seriously? "But why would you say that Mom?" I ask. "My parents taught me that you don't marry someone who is more qualified than you are!" she replies. See, my lady has a degree, I barely finished high school - mom is old school, from Italy, and that's what she believes! I make my way to the next town, where my love lives, and on arrival find that my reception by her and her family isn't as warm as it's been in the past. Strange, as I have known most of them for more than 10 years now, and we are all family friends, in fact, I'm always treated as a family member when I'm here.

I go to my lady, and very unromantically, I take the little ring box out of my pocket, and want to propose. "No, she says, don't do that!" "Why not?" I ask. "There is someone else in my life now, I'm sorry, but wanted to wait for you to come home before I told you!"

I don't say anything, somehow I can't, so in complete shock, I turn around and walk out. The drive home is longer than ever before, my mind is in turmoil, with unimaginable thoughts coming and going. "What the hell just happened?" I'm thinking out loud, but have no answer for myself. I walk into my parents home and mom immediately sees that something is wrong, and says "I'm sorry." Strange how mom's just know.

I get a call up for military duty a week later, a 3 month camp to the SWA / Angola border, so that will take my mind off things for a while. However, even being in the war zone, with my fellow soldiers, and concentrating on landmines and trying to stay alive, or watching out for enemy movement does not get my mind off of this incident. I am torn between going back home, or volunteering to stay in the military zone. 3 months later, I'm back from military duty, I have a chunk of money in the bank, so I'm taking a 6 weeks break, going to Italy to see my family and get my mind sorted out. The trip turns into a 6 month stay, and with a little bit of thought could have been a permanent relocation.

After that romantic let down, I decide to just play the field, so to speak, casual relationships, moving from one to another, without having any expectations, not setting any expectations for the other person. I feel that it isn't something I'm ready for, and so don't want to get into any semi-permanent situation with any other girl.

 

Chapter 2:-

Early 1995 - Due to the political situation in South Africa, what with anti-apartheid movements, the local population becoming very riotous, and with the rest of the world wanting to put pressure on the ruling government to abolish apartheid, a lot of international companies are withdrawing from the country. Among them is Alfa Romeo. I drive a 1.8 Alfa Gulietta, a beautiful, reliable, and fast car. I think I'll see if I can upgrade to the 2.0lt model, before they are all sold out. I've managed to find the last one - it's in Durban, but that's okay, it's just a short 600km drive away! I've booked it, and have asked a mate to join me for a quick, long weekend trip to the coast, leaving on Thursday.

"I think you're crazy" says Alan, my mate, "They pulling out of the country, where are you going to get spare parts for this car if it breaks?" "Mine has never broken down, why would this one?" I reply, remembering that this is the exact comment my dad had made when I told him what I was doing. After a 5 and a half hour drive, we pull into to the dealership and I notice that the new car is identical in every way to the one I am driving, just has the bigger engine! That's quite cool, as no one back home is going to see the difference, and it will give me an advantage over those clowns who are always wanting to race between traffic lights!

"What's your best price?" I ask the salesman. They make me a good offer on a trade in, I manage to get finance on the spot, and 2 hours later I'm driving away. I am now the proud owner of the last 2.0 Alfa Gulietta made and sold in South Africa. "Apart from it being cleaner, and smelling new, it's the same car! Still not sure you did the right thing here." says Alan. "Well, it's done, and I just have to enjoy it." I reply.

Now to find accommodation. "Where do you want to stay?" I ask. "Anywhere" says Alan, "Just not too expensive!" So it's down to the beach front, find a 3 star hotel, and book a room for two nights, "I'll pick up the tab for the room," I tell Alan, and "You can pay for drinks!" We settle into the room, basically dump the bags on the floor somewhere, and now it's time to cruise the streets a bit, visit some pubs, get the vibe of the city, and maybe find some ladies for company.

It's Friday night, and we slamming all the night life hot spots. Beers and rum and Coke have been flowing at a mighty pace. The girls in Durban are hot, awesome, and usually approachable (read easy). We eventually make our way to the Malibu hotel where upstairs is a disco, (I can't remember the name), which apparently is the place to be seen right now. After some drinks at the pub downstairs in the same building, we head upstairs. "You do realise that at this rate, I'm probably going to spend more on our drinks than you spent on the room?" laughs Alan. "I know," I reply, "Why do you think I made the offer!" I laugh back at him. A couple of hours of drinking and dancing, and we walk out of the disco for a breather, some fresh air, and some quiet, and we sit in the lounge chairs in the entrance to the disco. Watching the passing parade of girls and guys, and I notice this little blonde bomb, with a figure to die for, walk past, towards the ladies room. A little later she walks back into the disco. When she makes her second appearance not 5 minutes later, and I catch her looking our way, something says to me that she's interested in one of us.

"Looks like the blond is hot for one of us, Alan", "Hey, she's a little bit of alright" he replies, "maybe catch her on her way back". He's not really interested as he has a girlfriend back home. So in my typical West Rand / Italian way, when she comes out of the ladies room, I call her over. "Hey, Blondie, come here for a minute". She looks over, smiles, and does just that. "What do you want?", she asks, in a soft, and very sexy voice, standing in front of me, looking ravishing. "Want to dance?" I ask, get up, take her hand, and walk her into the disco, onto the floor, and proceeded to dance. She looks over to the bar, where some people are staring back at her, and says "Those are my friends, and they are wondering who you are, for sure!" And then "Oh, and I am here with a guy, who might not be too happy to see me dancing with you!" "Where is he?" I ask, in a cocky and self assured voice. She points him out, an unassuming guy, with glasses (don't hit him I say to myself, he's wearing specs), and taking her by the hand, I walk over to him, and her friends, "Sorry bud, she's going home with me tonight, I don't suppose anyone has a problem with that?" No one answers, so I turn around, and we walk away, towards the far end of the bar, and I order drinks, rum and coke for me, and something for her. Her date just gave her a look, and walks out. Not sure if he's going to be waiting outside, or maybe come back with some friends, but somehow, I doubt it. Some of her friends come over and try to convince her that maybe it isn't a good idea to be going anywhere with this stranger, but I can see that she's already made up her mind, and just ignores their advice. At this point I think it's maybe a good idea to get her name! "So, what do your friends call you?", "Jacqui," she replies, "Jacqueline, with a q".

" Well hello there "Jacqui, with a q', I'm Max." And so now we know each other's names! She doesn't know anything about me, where I'm from, what I'm like, nothing, except now my name, but she's willing to take a chance and go with me!

The rest of the evening, and well into the late night was a blast. Some of her friends hang out with us, and get to know me, a little. They ask a lot of questions, but I manage to keep the answers short and to the point, why would I want to give them more information than I need to, and it makes for a lot more laughs for me! This lot are not really trusting this long haired, leather jacket, fat wallet guy from up north! So, time to leave, this place is closing for the night, not the first time I've closed a bar or disco - seems to be my usual trick.

Alan is at the end of the bar, almost falling asleep in his drink! Been a long night for him, but I think he's had fun! On the way to her place, he asks to be dropped off, as he's not feeling too well! We drop him off at our hotel, "Don't wait up for me" I shout, "Like I was planning to!" he replies with a grin on his face. "Ok, where we going?" I ask, as I have no idea yet where she lives, never mind I don't even know her surname! "Oh, and what's your surname? I might have to greet your folks when we get there!" "Smith", "and get on the highway heading south of the city" she replies. She's sitting in my brand new Alfa, sneaking glances my way as we are driving down the highway, and I think she's suitably impressed! "Take the next turnoff, it says 'Bluff', and keep right at the bottom of the off ramp please". We took so many turns, I'm wasn't sure I will find my way out again! Eventually we pull up outside of her home, and I tell her to wait, I always open the door for the ladies! I know, smooth move hey! She's surprised, I don't think she's heard this before, but sits still and waits. "I'll walk you down, and make sure you get in safe." "You don't have to see me in, you know", but it's past midnight, I think it's the right thing to do. We walk to the front door, and she opens it and leads me in. Both her mom and dad are there, in the lounge, waiting for her.

"Is this the time to come home?" blares her dad, but looking at me! "And why didn't you come home with your Fran?" That's her twin, she did tell me about at some point during the evening, but hell, I don't even remember if she was at the same disco! "Dad!" she says, embarrassed by his comment in front of a stranger, "With all respect, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but the time ran away from us. We were having fun, and didn't realise it was so late" I answer, trying hard to sound both respectful and sober at the same time. "I'm Max, and I have brought Jacqui home safely, and didn't drop her off on the street, but walked her in to make sure she was safe." At this point my alcohol induced bravado kicks in and "Oh, and to tell you that I'm taking her out again tomorrow!" Why I had to say all this is beyond me, I mean, no need to try and impress anyone. He splutters in disbelief, '"Who's this kid that he thinks he can talk to me like that?" "Leave it alone" says his wife, to him, and turning to me. "Thank you for bringing her home safely, we will see you tomorrow." Seem like I made a good impression here with the mom, maybe the way I handled the dad wasn't my best effort, but whatever, I'm welcome back it seems! Her dad just mumbled something under his breath, I say my goodbyes and leave.

 

Chapter 3:-

Saturday. It's been a long day, cruising the beachfront in the new car, spending some time on the beach, and in the water. Can't come all this way and not have a swim in the sea! Back to the hotel, shower, and get dressed for the night life. Alan says he will meet me at Fathers Moustache, and we can then go out from there. I leave to collect the little lady! I'm early, it's only 6pm, but I figure we can get some dinner before we go party and drinking. Her dad is nowhere to be seen, and her mom is very nice, invites me in, asks if I wanted to join them for dinner. "Thanks, but no thanks, we going for dinner before we go to the disco. So, if it's okay, and if Jacqui is ready, we can go." Once in the car, she turns to me and says "No one has ever spoken to my dad like that before!", "Oh, sorry" I reply, "Was I out of place?" "Well, I'm not sure, but my mom said 'With this one, you might want to start getting your trousseau ready my dear!' I have good laugh at that, but she doesn’t seem to think it was as funny. How could she make that comment after just having met me?

Dinner at Fathers Moustache is always good, even though it's a limited menu, being a typical bar menu. But the entertainment is also always good there, and this evening is no exception. Jacquie doesn't eat much, but then she is just little - I mean, I don't think she clocks in at 35kg! After a few drinks, the best option is to go upstairs to the same disco we met at as it's close, we don't have to drive and looking for parking, and it's a nice place. So the three of us head upstairs. Alan is on form tonight, hitting on anything in a skirt, seems like the beers have dulled his memory of a girlfriend back home!

It's way past midnight again, damn, time flies when you having fun. "I'll find my way back to the hotel", says Alan, with a gorgeous blond hanging on his arm, the two of them have been inseparable for the past four hours at least, and both are past the legal blood alcohol limit by far, but won't be driving, although the walk back to the hotel could take a lot longer than normal. Seems to me this night is going to end badly for Alan, or goodly, depends on which side you looking at it from! "Be safe, and take care - I'll knock before I come in" I say, and leave them there.

The drive home is slow, somehow I don't want this night to end. She's been a lot of fun, and easy to be with. She's appreciative, loves life, loves the beach and the sea. She's a really nice girl, and someone I know I could spend much more time with. At the house, I walk her down the stairs to the front door, and only her mom is up waiting for our return. "Thanks for letting me take her out again this evening, and again, sorry it's so late, but we really were enjoying the night." I say my goodbyes, with a promise to see her in the morning before I leave for home.

 

Chapter 4:-

This girl had left her mark on me, and what was supposed to be a weekend fling turns into a long distance relationship, across 600km, which has me driving to see her nearly every other weekend for 6 months. I put more kilometres on my new car in those 6 months, than I had done on the previous one in 3 years!

Each time we met, there was more spark, more confidence in each other. There seemed to be an attraction that went beyond the normal, more like our souls were meant to be together. Being together was easy, comfortable. Even her dad started coming round, and as for her mom, I don't think I could do anything wrong in her eyes!

At some stage she came up to Johannesburg to visit with her sister, and I picked her up at the airport. We ended up staying over at my flat, sharing a bed, but not sharing our bodies. We were comfortable just being together, and didn't feel the need for sex. Her parents have become very welcoming, and even offered for me to stay over at their home when I visit, but I don't take them up on that. Somehow, it doesn't feel like the right thing to do.

A coffee shop in the middle of Durban has become a favorite hangout for us. Even the old waiter knows us by name, and knows what we will be having to eat and drink. Such a great old guy, always has some words of wisdom to share with us. It's the Royal café or tearoom in Durban city center, has been here for years. We spend hours just chatting, laughing, sharing a piece of cake, having a lunch, or snack, and soft drinks. The hours pass by in a flash, and soon enough it's time to head back home. A very special place indeed.

It's been six months now that we have been dating. My work is suffering as I miss out on Saturday time, so my income is also taking strain. Although I have qualified in my trade, the current rate of pay does not really provide for these long drives every second weekend. I sit her down for a serious chat. "I can't keep driving down every weekend to see you, it's costing me a bomb, and I'm losing out on Saturday work time as well. Why don’t you move to Johannesburg?" She works at the SAPO, and so could easily ask for a transfer to Johannesburg, or even the town where I live. "Why don't you move to Durban?" she counters. "Well, there isn't much opportunity for a tradesman in Durban, so finding work won't be easy. I can't earn the kind of money I'm making in the West Rand, and it's expensive to live in Durban." "I can't move to Johannesburg now" she replies, and I don't hear her reason, I'm already blocking out the problem in my mind, but probably something to do with her parents and her siblings, specifically her twin.

Our relationship faded from then on, till I stopped going to see her. Somehow we always kept in touch over the years, an occasional phone call, on birthdays, or when she just happened to think of me, or me of her. We moved on, found other partners, got married, had kids.

 

Chapter 5:-

It's just over 10 years later, and she calls to say she is now living in Pretoria. I work for a multinational IT company, and am on the road most of the time. On the odd occasion when I'm in her area, I pop in to say hello, take her for lunch, catch up. It's always a special meeting up, but, we don't cross any boundaries, recognizing the fact that we both have spouses we had dedicated ourselves to. "It's always so nice to see you, and to catch up", she says, "Likewise" I reply. "How's the kids?", "All good, and yours?" I ask. "Fine thanks, always so helpful, and taking care of mommy." And that's about the total chat about each other's family. When we do meet, it's like long lost friends, but also like friends who regularly see each other. There is no crazy wanting of each other, yet a simple enjoyment of the company of someone who was very special at one point in your life. Lots of laughs, a simple quick meal, then move on, till next time. Somehow, we never discussed out marital situations, just get updated on how the kids are doing, how work is going, how she misses the sea, and how I still want to live there one day. She is still beautiful, just more mature. She seems to be living her life around her child, as she is always taking him to the zoo, the museums, special sports events, etc. These were her favorite conversations. I must add, that most of my chats are also about my children, and their achievements and successes.

Not once did she even mention that she was single / divorced at the time. It could have been an ace she held she might have tried to play, but never did.

 

Chapter 6:-

2015, and another 20 plus years have passed. The world has progressed to cellphone, so we are able to easier get hold of each other, send a message, etc. She calls one morning, out of the blue. I'm at work having managed to get employment after almost a year. Things on the employment front have been tough since I left IBM after about 17years. I had done very well there, but they went on a big drive to implement the Black Economic Empowerment policy, and also to get more women on their staff, so I was one of the fall guys, and got retrenched. Didn't think it would be so hard to find another job, but boy was I wrong!

There was no birthday, nor any special event or reason, but I later figured she had probably read into some of my stuff on my Facebook profile, and probably thought something was up. We chatted a bit, this and that. "Where are you?" I ask, "In Dubai." "What are you doing there?" "Living here, it's a long story, but, what's happening in your life?" she asks. I tell her I'm going through a divorce, after 26 years of marriage. Not one I want, but there was no changing my soon to be ex's mind. Jacqui was silent, for a long time, then "I am so sorry, but what the hell is she doing that for?" "She says it's because she doesn't love me anymore, but I have found out she's been cheating on me for a long, long time!" I reply. Again a long silence, and then, "How can she be so stupid? I'm flying home early next year to visit my sister and the family, and would like to meet with you if it's okay." "Of course," I say, "Let me know when, and I'll fetch you at the airport."

We chat on and off for the next few months. My divorce is finalized, the ex moves out, leaves me with the kids. I'm again unemployed, but somehow still manage to get by, even get my youngest through last quarter and final year at University.

In conversations, and messages, she updates me on how she ended up in Dubai. Seems she had got divorced when her child was still very small. She had never told me before, not even during our meetings in Pretoria. She had maintained a reasonable relationship with the boy's father, for her child's sake, and they got on well enough. At some point they had co-habitated (her words). As the child was finishing high school and going to go to varsity, the ex had got a job offer in Dubai, and asked her to go with him. She couldn't if she wasn't married to him, so she remarried her child's dad. And that's how it went down. She was now, according to her, stuck in a relationship she wasn't happy with, neither of them actually wanting to be together, but neither of them wanting to be the parent that would disappoint their child! (again, her words).

 

Chapter 7:-

I leave early, as you never know what the traffic is going to be like driving to the airport, and arrive early. I have a cappuccino, then take a walk around looking at the new layout of the airport arrivals area, watch a guy who seemed to be secretly watching and following me (this did make me a bit nervous, and I really don't know why), and watch for the arrival of her flight to be announced, knowing it will take at least to another hour after touchdown for her to come through the doors. Another coffee or two, a sandwich, read a newspaper or two. Time is really going slowly.

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I look into her eyes, that are now slowly filling with tears. "What did you say?" I ask. "I have loved you for 33 years," she replies. It takes me a while to absorb this statement, all the while I'm just holding her close, breathing in her feminism. I have been divorced for just on 6 months now, and hugging a beautiful lady that smells so nice, is a special moment for me. I keep holding her for another minute or so, then I step back, and take her bags from her. "I need to get some airtime for my phone", she says. "There's a store just around the corner, I'll wait at the coffee shop" I reply. While I wait, I think about the implications of her statement. How could this even be possible? We have both moved on, married other partners, had children. Our worlds have completely changed. I'm looking 10 years older than I am, due to stress, and weight loss during my divorce. I'm down from 90kg to 72kg, definitely don't look anything like I used to. Her words churn around in my head, and I can make no sense of it. I'll have to wait and ask her, later.

She calls her twin, confirms she's landed safely, and will be coming through to them on the Gautrain. But I offer to take her, as it isn't easy to drag suitcases and stuff around on the train. She agrees, and we make our way to the car park. "Where's the Alfa?" she asks, with a naughty smile on her face, eyes twinkling! "Ah, sold that a long time ago, sorry!" As is my norm, I open the door for her, and we leave.

It's still early, so I suggest we spend some time driving around to she can see what has changed, and what hasn't, while she's been away. It's also going to give me more time with her, and to try and understand that comment she made when we met earlier. "I'd like to see some places" she replies. The trust is still there - she really shouldn't trust to easily! So I take the highway towards where I now live, as it's the same town I lived in when she had stayed over at my flat many, many years ago. The drive itself is, well, special. She coyly keeps glancing in my direction, making small talk, and I'm all the while pointing out sights that she wouldn't have seen for many years. That's Johannesburg CBD on the skyline, and the Carlton is still the highest building there." "That's Sandton, just exploded over the past 20 to 25 years, and is the place to be if you go shopping, or want to live with the rich and famous." In between she comments about the traffic, or how fast some cars are travelling, asks about my mom, my sister, all people she had met so many years ago. "how's Alan?" she asks. I slow down a bit, Look across to her, "He passed away just over a year ago. Had cancer, and fought it bravely, but just couldn’t beat it." "Oh, I'm so sorry" she replies. "And what about Mr. Van?" "He passed in 2020, old age, had a heart attack." We drive in quiet for a while, but slowly we start to chat again, comfortable in each other's company. Her earlier whisper in my ear isn't mentioned again, not for quite some time.

 

Realizing I'm needing to put in fuel, I drive into a filling station just off the highway. While the guy is busy filling up the tank, on impulse, I lean over and kiss her. She doesn't resist, nor pull away, she just puts her hand behind my head and holds me there. I realize that maybe this was not a good idea, things could just go downhill from here. Nothing is said, I pay, and we drive on. The silence for a short while is so thick you can taste it. I take her past the flat where I had lived when she stayed over that night so many years ago, past some of the restaurants we had frequented, and then drive her to my new home, where I had raised my family, and where I now live with my two sons. I make us some coffee, and we sit and chat on the deck for a while. Just chit chat, the view, how nice the house looks, the fact that it's so big…..Everything, but not that kiss, nor the comment at the arrivals lounge at the airport. Somehow, neither of us is wanting to open this can of worms, or at least, be the first one to do so. I take her through the house, showing her each room, as I am very proud of what I had designed and built. Eventually we get to the main bedroom, and as we walk into the dressing room, I pull her close, and kiss her. This is a risky situation, we are alone at home, I'm longing for feminine affection, she's 'loved me for 33 years'! I pick her up, damn, she still so tiny, and sit her on the dressing table, and then all hell breaks loose! We just can't keep our hands off of each other. It's a moment of passionate madness, nothing else matters, just us, and this moment in time. It's a mad scramble to get as much of each other as possible, without, it would seem, crossing any sexual boundaries, but that's coming fast. I take her by the hand, lead her towards the bed, and put her down on her back, on the bed. I lie down on her, and we continue with the madness, kissing, groping, feeling the heat. Then some sanity prevails. I look down into her eyes, and see complete submission, it's all up to me now, do or don't, it's my call. The 33 years of dreams, the sensual meeting this morning, our chats, the flirting, and now alone in this place, she seems to have lost all her resistance, and I am about to lose mine. "And now" she says, "What are you going to do?" "Well, I know what I'd like to do" I replied, and she just smiled - no argument from her

I walked away, went to the dressing room to get a jacket, then picked her up off of the bed, and led her downstairs. "I think it's better if we don't get into that situation, maybe we should get something to drink, sit outside and enjoy the view." We have something to drink, sitting next to each other on the bench, me having a much needed smoke, or three, neither saying a word, just appreciating the view, and, in my case, rethinking what had just happened upstairs.

Then this question, out of nowhere - "Why didn't you take advantage of the situation that night I stayed over?" she asked, and my response was "I wasn't sure that you were the one for me, and didn't want us to get into a place either of us might not be comfortable with afterwards." It sounded strange to me too, saying that, but somehow I knew I meant it.

I think we both realize that although it was something we both desperately want, this is not the time nor the place. I'm on a rebound after my divorce, and now have this beautiful person available to me, and she, well, apart from maybe nearly realizing her dreams of the past 33 years, is still married!

Eventually we leave as it's lunch time, and we both could do with a meal, and other people around us. Just to keep things 'normal'! Lunch was a semi-quiet affair, I had a burger, she nibbled on hers. We were on the way to her siblings home town, via a long route, and I suggest a coffee shop stop. Not that either of us wants coffee, but again, just spending time together, but in public, it's safer this way. Sitting in the coffee shop, and I can't hold back anymore. "What's going on?" I ask. "I don't know," she replies. "This isn't me, and I didn't plan any of this, and as my marriage broke up because of infidelity, I don't want to be doing the same thing!" I say. "I know, but what are we to do? It's obvious we want to be with each other…." she says. "It seems as if the universe is against us" she says. "When I was available, you were not, not you are, and I am not!" "so, we need to keep control of our emotions then, and not let this get out of hand, not that it hasn't already!" I reply.

As the sun is setting, I drive her to the Gautrain station closest to where her twin lives, drop her off, and wait in the shadows to ensure she's okay till her lift arrives, then drive home, alone, confused and maybe a little surprised at myself.

 

Chapter 8:-

We speak often over the next few days, either on WhatsApp or on the phone. The calls are always alluring, flirting, testing the waters, from both sides. It's now a week later, and I arrange to pick her up at her twins house. She tells them a friend is fetching her for dinner. I meet her outside the complex gate, and she's looking fabulous. This lady just knows how to get to me. Dinner is at a great restaurant about 35km away, as we don't want to risk running into anyone who knows her. She is great to be with, great to be seen with, a joy to the heart, and has given me a renewed sense of being needed. This is my weak spot now - the need to be needed, to know that someone out there actually wants to be with me. For her, it's more of reliving her dreams she had been having for the past decades, to be with that one guy she thinks she loves.

This evening is followed by several such evenings. And even with a trip to the nearby mall on a Saturday. We drive to see my mom, and it seems that mom remembered her.(Mom has dementia, so her memory isn't what it should be, also it's been 33 years since they met). It's so special spending time together, but with always the knowledge in the back of my mind that she is actually out of bounds. We never go further than hugs, kisses, spending time together, but the want is real.

This time spent together repeated itself over the next 3 years, every time she came to visit her twin, staying for 6 to 8 weeks at a time. Except, I didn't get to fetch her at the airport again, as that didn't go down to well with the family. They said that it might not be safe for her alone on the train, with her luggage. On her second visit here, her twin found out what was going on, well, some of it. Sister knew we were meeting, seeing each other. And somehow, they devised a way for me to visit at her home, getting past her hubby with the story that we were friends from days gone by. Turns out he was dating her twin in Durban, while I was dating Jacqui! And we had never met! Go figure!

It has made it easier to see her, but under strictly controlled conditions - there is no way we could get hands on in front of the family! So we often go for dinner, or to "visit" mutual friends from days gone by! She remains so much fun to be with. Slowly she's starting to share her problems she was having with her husband. Problems that had started as soon as they had arrived in Dubai. And how she had no escape from it. Telling her to leave him didn't help, as she didn't want to disappoint her child who was so happy that his parents were finally back together again.

"I'm not happy, and we just tolerate each other." " He drinks a lot, and is always moody." " He spends too much time at work." " I just spend my time shopping." "All he does is watch sports on TV with my child." "I even go to the beach alone, because he's not interested." This is the summary of her situation, and I can see that she's not happy at all.

 

Later, I write a poem, "Warrior Woman", basically for her, as she strikes me as someone who is constantly in a battle of sorts, yet, keeps going, even though she's on her own. And subsequently I have written a book, based on the poem (still writing it….). The poem has been well received by all who have read it. The book, although not anything to do with her specifically, is also looking good, currently being reread, changed, added to….will it ever be finished?

 

Chapter 9:-

Conversations between us while she is overseas are frequent, and often she would make a plan to get to a place where she can call and just chat. On the beach, at the mall, anywhere.

Eventually their contract in Dubai was been terminated. They had been there for 8 or 10 years, and it was time to leave. Initially her husband wanted to go to some insert exotic location to retire, but she insisted on coming home to South Africa. They have a place in the Eastern Cape where they used to live, and moved in there.

 

That was 5 or 6 years ago, but I never got to see her again. Our conversations have petered out, she doesn't share anything with me anymore. Her excuse is she doesn't want to bother me with her problems. Other than letting her know I was now a grandfather, and sending her a photo of the little ones, I have not made any attempt to restart our conversations.

We dream, we live in hope, and we look for opportunities, but if the universe is working against you, (her words), then things won't go your way. You learn, and you move on. It's been 40 years now since we first met, a life time for many, a moment for me.

 

An adventure of life, a learning curve, a test of restraint, and a lifelong moment of friendship.

 

33 years later - And then there you were

I waited for what seemed forever

Then there you were, walking through those doors

Both of us apprehensive, yet excited

We hugged, I kissed you, you kissed me back

 So beautiful, I didn't know what to do with myself

Your shy smile, your laughing eyes

I knew then that this was going to be difficult

Spending a few hours together

 Hesitant at first, talking, looking at each other

Smiling, nervous laughter

Talking became easier, like it was meant to be

Laughing, asking, sharing

 Holding hands, a little kiss, that smile

Your eyes, your soft lips, your hair

Damn, this was going to make me crazy

Just beautiful and comfortable

Sitting on my deck, you facing me

Sliding closer, up, onto my lap

Kissing, cuddling, so soft, warm, so right

So beautiful, and yet so wrong

That long late night drive

The cold air, and your white coat

The station, the call home

The wait, watching, keeping you safe

And then, then you were gone

The visits, silently slipping away

The adrenaline of the secrecy

Always fun, warm, exciting, you

 It just was meant to be

But then, it seems, it wasn't

So I sit here with my memories

And see you even in my dreams

But life got in the way,

Once before, long ago

And, it would seem, it did it again

So beautiful, So lovely, So unavailable