When we can help, we should - 12 May 2025

On Sunday morning, I went to church, followed by a visit t my mom. I hadn't seen her on Saturday as usual, as I went to a 1st birthday party for my last born grandchild. My sister was also visiting mom, so we had a chance to catch up. And as usual, we got into a discussion about the shenanigans going on in my extended family (read sons). She's adamant that counselling is the answer. I know that one of the party isn't interested. Anyway, we have these discussions, share information, and agree to continue to pray over the issue.

I had bought mom a cappuccino on the way, which she really enjoyed. Then the sister arrived with a small cub cake, which I fed to mom, along with a second cup of coffee. After about 45 minutes, I said my goodbyes.

As I got into the car, I saw I had a message from a very good friend, who had on Friday past left for Malta. She's there on a 3 - 5 year contract, how lucky. She's the widow of my late best friend Mike, who died a few years ago, and we have kept in touch.

Anyway, just over a week ago she contacted me about an elderly couple who live close to me. The man was their pastor many years ago, and ran the church where Mike and Erika got saved. They were always close, and kept in touch even after moving to the Cape. She told me the lady had recently got sick, and 8 weeks in hospital did nothing to help, in fact, she had walked into there, and eventually came home in a wheelchair. She said the old man wasn't coping too well. For a start he can't cook! Then, being 81 years old, he's struggling to lift her off the bed, get her to the bathroom and back. She won't eat much, usually only wants toast and jam, so he doesn't bother to buy in any ready made meals, which means he's not eating well. A couple of times she's taken a fall, and he's had to contact a neighbor to come and help get her up. She says she does not want to go back to hospital, and wont accept him getting a caregiver in to help. So he's in a bad space. I went round then to introduce myself, and told him if he needs any help, he's free to call me. I live maybe 3 minutes away. Nice old guy. We spent probably 30 minutes chatting in his driveway. I got Erika the details of Brian's, a place just 500 meters from the old peoples home, that do meals daily, and deliver, and it's good food, and R50 a plate for pensioners. She was going to try and arrange for a meal to be delivered 3 - 4 times a week.

Anyway, so I see a message from her. The old man has contacted her again, and she's worried because apart from the usual, they really not eating well. Now on my first visit I confirmed that finances are not a problem. I called her, and told her this, and said I'd go round and chat to him about Brian's, and other food delivery options in the area. She asked if I'd pick up two Sunday lunches from Brian's and deliver it. She would pay me back. No problem. Sunday lunch is a fuller meal, and costs a bit more, but still cheap. I get there, order two meals, and wait 30 minutes in my car, as all meals are prepared fresh.

I drive to their home, call, and he comes out. He's very happy to see me, and thankful for the meals. Again, he keeps me chatting in the driveway for probably another 45 minutes. I don't mind, as I can hear he needs to talk, and has some nice stories to tell, in-between updating me on the situation with his wife. My advise was that he get her back to a doctor, and ask for a referral to a proper specialist, so they can find out how she went from a walking patient with infection in her blood and kidneys, to a nearly paralyzed wheelchair patient! Also, even though she says no, if she needs to be hospitalised, do it. And if you need help, get a caregiver. It's also about him, and his ability to care for her, and his health. And, hold onto your faith, you being tested. We had a good chat, he was very thankful for my time and care.

Imagine being married for 40 years, never having to cook or clean, and suddenly being responsible, at age 81, for all that. And having to take care of the woman who always took care of you. Having to clean up after her if she does not make it to the bathroom on time. I know some of you have been doing this, and take my hat off to you. But he's an old man, old school, does it because he knows he has to, but does not have the strength to. I feel for him.

I'll see him again soon I'm sure. And we think we have problems.

Be safe out there.