Relationships

Spent some time this past weekend thinking about my personal relationship with my kids. I include my two sons, and current daughter in law (current, as the next one will only qualify in about a year).

So, right now, I probably have the best relationship with my daughter in law (daughter), the mother of my three grandchildren. I see them and her basically every Sunday, when I visit, and we have lunch together, and me and her do quite a bit of talking, about the kids, schooling etc. , the progress the baby is making and her situation. Some weeks she's doing okay, other weeks she's not so okay. It all revolves around how her week went with regards her interactions with her husband, my eldest son, from whom she's currently separated.

Interestingly, his attitude towards her seems to be influenced by whether his mother is visiting him or not. She lives down by the coast somewhere, but comes up every 2 weeks or so to visit, ad help him with the kids when he has them stay over at his home. When she's here, his attitude towards my daughter sucks! 

His communication with me is also restricted and strained. He was in the USA attending the WSOP for 7 weeks. When he got back, I got a WhatsApp message which said, landed safely. Then nothing for 10 days. Then a "I miss you dad" message. Then nothing. I eventually made the effort to contact him, and went to see him. Couldn't spend much time together as he was in the middle of a tournament, but we at least managed to catch up some.

After that, again nothing. But it's okay, as I know his mother has a big influence on his life right now, and he knows how I feel about her and her opinion on the separation, so he's writing it down to that being the problem.

My younger son is now living with his fiancé. They have their own lives to live, but even there I have seen less and less communication. They always busy. That's fine. But then don't expect me to always be available when you need something. Doesn't work that way. I'm more likely to take a ride out on the bike alone these days, where we always used to ride out together. But I understand, as he's in a precarious situation right now. Finances are strained, he's sold his bakkie, and has been using my other sons spare car, but that's now going to be taken back as the older one sold his primary car, and need the spare car back! And he's not in the position to get another one, I just hope he doesn't decide to sell his bike!

So, I have "3" kids. The 2 biological kids - relationship is so-so. The married into my family kid - relationship is awesome! Go figure.

And then 3 grandchildren who are the light of my life!

07/07/1977 - Snippets from a fading memory - Part 5

Sweeping the "Witpad" was one thing. You quickly learned the "show", and could often spook drive in the tracks which were less than a day old. However,  the lesser used side roads, two tracks were another story. On one sweep, we got a signal. I slowly cleared the area around the signal, and uncovered a very badly deteriorated cheese mine. Something didn't look right, and we decided to check this one out properly. No pulling this out with a rope. One guy held the mine in place, while I slowly dug out underneath it. There we found a contraption the led back the way we came. We secured the mine, and started to clear behind it, towards the vehicles, in the direction we had already swept. About 10 meters back (after having moved the vehicles back to a safe place, we uncovered a box that contained another 2 cheese mines. So, their plan was that the first vehicle would set off the mine we found, and the activation would then set off the secondary mine possibly under the second vehicle. This was a mess, and we spent more than a few hours clearing that up. Glad we found it though. Could have been nasty of someone had decide to spook that road.

The sunsets up north were beautiful. I have several photos somewhere (which don't exist) of the sun setting with spectacular colours. And with the sparse vegetation, some great settings could be had.

No one said we didn't have fun. At some point the Sappers decided to booby trap the "go-carts". This was easy - take the gunpowder out of a few R1 rounds, place in tinfoil and roll op. Then, using old mine detector batteries, and claymore wire, a clothes peg and a piece of cardboard, a quick booby trap was made, and fitted to the "go-cart". SO when someone lifted the lid, the roll of gunpowder at the bottom of the pit would "explode"! No harm done to the soldier, other than he might have crapped in his pants!

On one occasion, we had been out of base camp for a couple of weeks. (Might have been on one of my camps). We had swept deep into Angola, and then found ourselves without anymore drinking water (someone forgot to refill the water tank on the buffels). We had been warned that we could not drink from any of the wells we passed, as there was a possibility of poisoning by the locals. SO while we set up a small water purification tank near to a shauna, we had to find something to drink. I was the stupid one who remembered that the wheels on the Buffel, including the spare wheel, were filled with water. I tapped off some from the spare wheel, and took a swig. Trust me when I tell you I was the only one to do that. My face, and the fact that I almost immediately threw up told everyone else not to try it. By nightfall I had gypo guts like never before! Luckily by the next morning my system had cleared itself of the brak water, and we had some drinkable water in the purification tank. Didn't try that trick again!

During one of stints up there, our troop fell out with the infantry commander of the base (I have no idea what rank he was or could have been). Anyway, he called us to come to where his tent was, and to "tree aan" outside his door, with rifles. When we were ready, he came out, and informed us that for whatever it was we had done, we were going to have an "opfok" drill session! Seriously - here, on the border, where people can disappear at any time, where men can tilt and do kak stuff, he wanted to "opfok" drill us? Wasn't going to happen on my watch - so I turned my R1 upside down, and buried it barrel first into the sand! That guy lost his mind! He went berserk, ordered his guys to arrest me, and said he would have me tried for multiple indiscretions, least of which was abuse of government property! I know I was in shit already, so in a low growling voice I told him what would happen if he persisted with his demands and threat. The rest of our guys were dismissed and told to return to their tent. I had to remain. Just me, this grumpy and crazy guy, and some of his infantry. I'm not sure of the events after that, but I'm still here, and I wasn't shipped out of there, so couldn't have been too worse. That infantry troop / platoon were shipping back to SA a few days later, so all I had to do was lie low for a few days till he left.

There was an evening we held a braai (goat) for one guy who turned 21! Sias had the honour of breaking the goats neck after someone tried to cut its throat with a blunt knife! He then proceeded to skin and gut it, and cut it into pieces to braai.

Fly over's by our air force was always a big thing. I loved to see those pilots doing their thing in the air with those beautiful planes. And as for the choppers, made my day when they were in the area. Flying out on one to leapfrog another unit who needed to be relieved was a highlight for me. Those pilots were awesome, brave and skilled. I remember seeing one take off at Ondangwa, flying low over the airstrip to chase away a stray dog. Damn thing kept coming back, so the pilot flew up to about 100 or 150 meters, and some Rambo in the back shot the dog! Damn, now that takes some doing!

Watching the Flossie come in to land from high up, the sudden swoop down towards the ground, a quick correction and then sit on the tarmac - and then, after take off, flying just above the tree tops.

I THINK THERE MIGHT BE ONE MORE CHAPTER TO THIS SAGA

 

  07/07/1977 - Snippets from a fading memory - Part 4

NOTE - I might be writing down stuff that happened during one of my many camps up north. Memories can be jumbled, and time lines have lost all meaning.

Another funny  moment - we swept the infantry and medics to a local clinic. There the medics would check out the locals, and dispense medicine as required. Sometimes, one would approach us and ask if we had headache tablets. On more than one occasion, we dispensed out malaria tablets, and one time I recall someone giving the man a s-bit - you, those things we used to make fires with… and told him to chew it and wash it down with water. I'm sure that guy had gypoguts for at least a week after that!

Malaria tablets were not popular among the troops. Stories abounded that they made you tan yellow! and due to the fact that any off time was spent tanning, we were not up for a yellow finish! I don't know if it was in fact true, but I never took a malaria tablet, and now realise how risky that was.

Talking about tanning - another stupid thing I remember doing was smearing brake fluid on my arms and legs. Got a better and darker tan! How dumb was that? No after effects that I know of though. But we did have dark tans! Another photo that does not exist somewhere in my drawer.

A nice trip was sweeping up to one of the water towers. I don't know if it was Alpha tower or what. Once there, and the infantry did their thing, we would climb up to the top, and get inside the tower and swim. That water was ice cold, and so welcoming in the heat of the day. If I remember, it was also near to a mission station called Santa Clara (forgive me if I get the names wrong). That place was suspected of giving aid to the enemy, so was raided on several occasions. We just stood by in case we were needed to clear any explosives or arms cache. Never happened. I think those nuns were just too smart!

The kuka shops were also the targets for raids, as they were known to support the enemy with food and money. On one raid, we found hundreds of Rands stuffed into the cartons that wine bottles come in. The owner only explained that he didn't have a bank (the nearest one was probably Ondangwa), and so kept his earnings in the shop! Not sure what happened, other than we all got free cold drinks and some tinned foods.

The guys from my section were renowned for the speed at which we could sweep a road. I have no idea what it was anymore, but I do know that eventually the infantry guys walking in the bush next to us to give us cover were complaining, and many times we swept with no cover, and the infantry guys rode on the buffels! Anyone remember how fast we would sweep?

Once we were overtaken by a speeding local. The Ford F100 and F250 was a very popular bakkie in that area. It wasn't long, and we heard the boom of a landmine going off, somewhere a few kilometres ahead of where we were.  We made the decision to get on the vehicles and drive on the spoor of the bakkie, to get to the scene as soon as possible. Once the wreckage was in view, probably 150 meters away, we stopped, and resumed sweeping, up to the crater, and all around it to check for any secondary mines. As soon as it was clear, we found that the driver had not survived, no surprise I suppose, and settled down to have lunch, right there, next to the road, next to the crater and wreckage. It's actually surreal now that the incident did not have any effect on us, other than we didn't find the mine, it was detonated. The radio guys called the incident I, as we knew the base would be worried. They would have heard the explosion and seen the plume of rising smoke and worried that it might have been one of our vehicles.

One memory from Eenhana was when we were there with the mounted division - this was the guys who rode on horseback. I was friends with one of the guys, and so used to help him in the evenings when we took the horses to feed and drink. The highlight was riding them back to the stables bareback! I had ridden horses once or twice before, but riding bareback, holding onto their mane was another experience.

Maybe, with a bit of thought, more to follow.

 Sorry it's better for you that way

And that's the last message, via WhatsApp that I received, 15 June 2025

Sorry, It's better for you that way!

I don't think so.

It's your defense mechanism.
It's because you know if we meet again, you won't be able to keep your hands to yourself.
It's because you know that with me, anything can happen.
It's because I can make you feel things you didn't think possible
It's because you know I could make you do things you didn't think possible.
It's because it's better for YOU that way!

The above are just some of the response I wanted to send as a response to that message, and I have thought of many more, but I didn't send a response, as none would make a difference anyway. Some people have the strength to walk away, to resist, and good for them. Maybe it's better for both of us, as the reality is we shouldn't be going down that street anyway.

So, for my next trick... I have a few more episodes of my time in the SADF which I will be posting soon.

 

  07/07/1977 - Snippets from a fading memory - Part 3

Many of the events experienced during my time up north will remain unsaid.  I rather write about the good times, the fun we had, and the support for each other. War is war, weather it's conventional, or bush, soldiers do what they have been trained to do. Soldiers kill, soldiers die. At the end of the day, those that come back home are no longer the boys that were conscripted initially, and they carry their scars inside.

One day, after a week of sweeping through distant roads, we were on our way back to camp and were driving past some infantry guys. They asked us to stop and see if they could catch a ride. As we had swept the road earlier that day, we were comfortable to drive it, and just keep an eye on the tracks. We had mastered the art of seeing any possible disturbances In the tracks, even if the track had been redone with a loose tyre. And there among this rabble of misfits was my best friend from school! They were on their way back from a 2 week stint in the bush. Tired, hungry and dirty like you won't believe. That was a special moment, meeting up with him, out there in the middle of nowhere!

We soon became adept in recognizing any marking that would be left by those who placed the landmines to warn the locals of it's presence in the road. A strategically placed empty cold drink can, two rock, one on top of the other, and, on the way to Etale where the locals had a makeshift soccer field, the goal post top cross bar. If it was up in position, all was clear, if one side was down, it showed there was a mine in the road, and also pointed in the direction it had been placed!

Our troop lifted many mines, mostly the old cheese mine - I think those were relics from the second world war that Russia had supplied to the Angolans. Some of them looked rat eaten, with chunks missing, but they were still deadly. Not sure about the other guys, but we never blew up any mine we found, We successfully lifted and removed all of them, taking them back to camp as a trophy! (Which was immediately handed in for safe keeping.)

I found a TM57. I had never seen one before, not even in pictures. Cleared all around it, felt underneath - no secondary mine or trap. Then we used a long rope to drag it out of the road. No bang. So it was time to see what this thing is about. The top had a part that could be unscrewed. This was the tricky part (for me anyway, as I imagined it could be booby trapped to prevent dismantling). I smeared some nail polish remover around the edge where it met the body of the mine, and tried to unscrew it. It gave easily. So, slowly unscrewing, and listening closely for any tick, or click, or any sound which might indicate that it was in fact booby trapped.  At this point, my mates are around 50 meters away, with the vehicles. The infantry were probably 100 meters away, giving cover to the vehicles and to me. Eventually the top was loose, and gingerly I lifted it away from the body. This is where it became interesting. A bit of nail polish remover again, on the detonator holder, and it easily came out. Funny thing, the detonator was sitting sideways in the housing.

With that out of the way, I pressed on the button on the top, and the damn thing started to tick like a clock! I tossed it probably 10 meters away, and hid my head in the sand. Nothing. The ticking stopped. I retrieved it and checked inside. Now the inner parts had turned 90 degrees, meaning the detonator would now have been armed. I called one of our guys over, and we checked it out. Reset it. Pushed the button again and watched. This thing was made so that the first vehicle to drive over it and push down the button would start the clock turn, which would place the detonator in armed position, and then the second vehicle would detonate it! Clever sly bastards. 

Loaded it up, and when we got back to camp, set the lid and tossed it to one of the infantry guys, who on catching it, heard the ticking and threw it as far as he could while screaming all kinds of warnings to everyone around him! That was kak funny. Sent a report of the finding to Ondangwa, so that they could disseminate the information to the other Sappers out there, so they would also be aware of these mines, and know how to defuse them.  I have a photo somewhere, (which does not exist), where I am lying in the middle of the sand road, drenched in sweat, clearing the sand away around this beast.

My mind says there might be a part 4.

 07/07/1977 - Snippets from a fading memory - Part 2

Arriving in Grootfontein, we disembarked and stood in formation. Quick instructions from whomever was in charge of us there, and we all got onto trucks for the trip North. It would be a long day, on the back of the truck (Samil?), but fortunately a tar road all the way, till we got to Ondangwa. Here we would overnight, and then the next day we would be divided up into our troops, and shipped off to wherever we would b spending at least the next 3 months.  On route to our destination camps, some us saw the remains of vehicles that had hit a landmine, and we were soon sobered up to the fact that this was now for real - no longer explosions in a controlled environment, watched or affected from a safe distance. Now we would be walking among them, over them, and hopefully not on them. This was the real deal.

My one funny memory of the drive to Ondangwa was seeing a black guy, in uncommon uniform, walking next to the road carrying a rifle! My immediate though was "Shoot him!", but luckily we had a rank on board with us, and when asked he explained that he was a friendly local, who was employed by our side. I forget what they were called, but he lived to fight another day! No racial innuendo, but he was an African, with a gun - and to me that meant he was probably the enemy. (Come to think of it, he was walking casually next to the road, so it should have been obvious he wasn't the enemy!)

I remember how hot it was up there. Much hotter than I had ever experienced back home. But it was fine - I don't like the cold, and after Bethlehem in the winter,I would never want to be cold again! But, as we would soon learn, the heat brought with it "miggies", millions of the damn pesky little shits! Had to learn to live with them too.

Another surprise was the "go-carts" and the "piss lilies". Strange names, but even stranger things. Had to get used to taking a crap sitting next to your buddy. And the tents, with the mosquito nets, the dust when the wind blew, the incredible night sky.

As Sappers, we were split up into troops of 10, and for some camps even less. Our task was to sweep the vehicles from camp to their destination. We were deployed with the infantry, and other groups in a camp. So we were the smallest unit in any camp, but received a lot of respect because of our task. One of us would be the representative for meetings and discussions with whomever was in charge of the camp, and not necessarily a ranked Sapper, sometime we just took it in turns.

Namibia, and especially the northern areas where we were deployed is stark, raw, and yet beautiful.  The sparse trees offered some comfort sitting in their shade at midday. The water holes ("Shauna's?), muddy grey in colour, was home to some really big barbers, and stories of the guys fishing with hand grenades abounded. Never di see that, but did watch the locals fishing with nets, and catching quite a few. They would clean them, and hang them up to dry, and then sell them of course. I didn't try to eat them back home, so wasn't going to try them there.

The "kuka shops" were a popular addition to any day out. Always had cold home made "beer"? Who the hell knows what was in it, some stories said they even put old torch batteries into the drum - no matter, we drank gallons of the stuff and are still here to tell the story. The were very clever, digging a hole deep beneath a tree, and storing the drink down in the ground, where it was cooler, and sprinkling water around the hole.

Swapping rations and a few Rand for a goat was a thing. Especially when we had been eating rat packs for more than a week, we would go to the nearest encampment, meet the owner / chief, and bargain with him for a goat. That goat on a braai fire that night tasted like the best Karoo lamb!

Cigarettes in camp were cheap, as was beer. Food was enough when in the camp, and if you made friends with the cook, you could often organise a steak from the officers menu!

The upside of being a Sapper was we didn't have to do guard duty - well not at the camp I was at anyway. On one occasion, when the infantry left the camp, and were replaced by their peers for the next 3 month stint, we had an issue with their commander (whatever his rank was). He decided that the Sappers should also stand guard! Well, it took me all of 5 minutes to get the radio room to contact our guy in Ondangwa, who immediately took this guy on, and explained that should he want to push the issue, we would be withdrawn from his camp, and he could do his own mine sweeping, or risk driving without sweeping the road. That stupid idea died a quick death!

Another funny situation arose when we did bunker inspection. Every once in a while, we would do inspection of the ammo bunkers, and more especially of the mortar pits. This was to check if there was any  ammunition that had started to "bleed", or leak as such. Usually, old ammo like mortars would be taken out of the camp to a pit, where it would then be detonated by us Sappers, using probably 4 times too much PE4 - for effect you know! The resulting boom would scare the crap out of the locals for at least 3 months, and the resulting hole would make for a new water hole, if it was nearing rainy season! Great fun!

However, one time we found some suspect mortars in the mortar pit - and we were not comfortable to move them. So, after a chat with the camp commander, they cleared the immediate area, and we set about placing some PE4 explosives on the mortars. This time we didn't overdo it though, realising that we could blow away half the camp! That too was a memorable bang, with dust flying high into the sky, and all the nearby tents covered in sand. No one was hurt, the infantry dug new mortar pits, and that hole was closed using the sand from the new diggings. Much fun was had by all involved!

With some effort, I might have a part 3.

 07/07/1977 - Snippets from a fading memory - Part 1

48 years ago today I clocked in at 2 Field Engineering Regiment, Bethlehem, to start my 12 month conscription in the South African Defense Force. Within 6 weeks, this was upgraded to 24 months. No matter, it would turn out to be the best two years of my single life. I would make life long friends, I would become the fittest I would ever be in my life, and I would overcome fears I did not even know existed.

Just arrived, and off to the stores to get fitted out with your kit. Then off to find the bungalow you had been allocated, and meet the guys you would be spending the next few months, maybe a year with.

It was a mild winters day when we all boarded the train at the Milpark station in Johannesburg. It was a terribly cold winters day when we arrived and disembarked in Bethlehem. Till then, I did not even know that it could get so cold! Over the next few weeks, the cold would show all it's might, especially when doing those 2 - 4 am guard duties, and even more so if you happened to draw one of the points that were completely exposed to the weather, like the graveyard. Go figure, the graveyard shift at the graveyard!

Running the MMI at 4 am, in black PT shorts, a T-shirt and socks and takkies I believed that it would be the death of me. But we ran, and survived.

I met so many different guys, Afrikaans speaking farm boys, weed smoking Durbanites, some guy, strong as an ox, with a bad limp was a fisherman from the west coast.  He wasn't supposed to be there due to his bad limp, but insisted he wanted to do his bit.

Everyone came there with one purpose, to do their national service. Not long, and we were all there to support each other, go ensure we had each others backs, and to give the best we had in us.

I have fond memories of the telephone booths we used to call home. If I remember correctly, there were 2 side by side. I also remember how the guys who had older brother who had done their service before, had showed them how to make a "long Tickey"! Basically, a coin on a piece of gut, which you put into the money slot, till it registered, then withdrew it and used it again! Not sure the SAPO made much money there. I remember the queues at these phone booths, and when it was your turn to phone, the damn thing would ring, and it was someone's girlfriend calling for him. This was an easy fix. If the phone rang as I was about to pick it up, I would lift the receiver, and say (in Afrikaans) - "Good evening, Bethlehem morgue, how can I help you?" or, "Bethlehem maternity ward" - and they would hang up. Then quickly hang up and lift the receiver so I could make my call.

I remember receiving letters from home, and having to do push up's if the letters smelt nice - cause if you received a letter from the girlfriend, it would usually be dosed in perfume, the corporal would pick up on the scent, and you would have to pay to get it - pay as in "Do 20 push ups!" - and we did.

The food wasn't so great, but edible, and enough. When I didn't really like what was dished up, I made up for it by eating bread. No problem.

Not sure when, probably around week 6, we were allowed to have a beer. And it was then that the news came through that our 12 month call up was being extended to 24 months! Although a bit of a shocker for us, it affected our "ou manne" even more, as they were in the last phase of their 12 months. I have a vague memory of them going absolutely bat shit, and we had to clear out the mess / pub area!

No matter - training was hard, and we had to ensure our buddies kept up, So we would run an MMI (Mile and a half) and had to do it in a certain time. If you didn't make the cut off, you ran again. That was okay, but became a problem when if one or more of the guys didn't make the cut off, EVERYONE had to run again. This taught us to support each other, encourage each other, make sure that everyone did their best, and more, till we would all arrive within the cut off time.

I have memories of cleaning the bungalow, and getting everything ready for inspection in the morning - sleeping under the bed so we didn't have to make them up again in the morning, and waking up to the corporals shouting, and dumping fire buckets of water across the shiny polished floors.

A lot of what was done and what happened didn't seem to make sense at the time, except of pleasing a deranged corporal, but in hind sight, it was all part of building resilience, team building, working together - ultimately - to make sure we all looked out for each other, and would be able to face any situation!

On night, still early in basics, someone burnt the veld next door to the camp. Next morning, after the MMI, and while it was still dark, they made us leopard crawl through the burnt veld. Apart from very dirty clothes, and troops, there was the problem of the now short, stiff burnt grass cutting through the skin. Trust me when I say we were a sorry mess when we returned to our bungalows to change for breakfast after that stint. But we survived.

Training with telephone gum poles was another test. To see if we could work together, run in step with each other, and carry our part. Fun? I think not. Funny? Only when we were dropped about 10km outside of town and told to run back to camp, with our poles. One bunch decided to get clever, stopped in at a farm, borrowed a saw, and cut their pole into 4 pieces, one piece each. Easier to carry and run with. Needless to say they paid for that in blood. Their "opfok" PT lasted well into the night.

End of basics, and they had a parents day. We set up the field with all our military stuff, as well as a part of a Bailey bridge which we would assemble as part of a show. Bets part of the day for me, apart from seeing my parents who had made the trip (we were allowed our first weekend pass afterwards) was meeting some of my mates sisters! Damn brother, (Wally? from Meyerton?),I was so glad I helped him through some of those challenges, and so he was happy to introduce me to his parents, AND his hot sister!

First time at the shooting range, I saw a corporal jump on some guys back, and hard. He had a misfire, and was turning around to ask for assistance - ignoring the training that said "You lay your rifle down, facing the front, raise your hand and wait for someone to come and help you!"

I forgot to mention that 98% of all communication was in Afrikaans - this didn't phase me as I was (and still am) as fluent in Afrikaans as I was in English. But some of those souties, especially the guys from the Durban area, they struggled, and many times paid the price for not understanding.

Training in explosives, and land mines was the highlight of my basics. I loved every minute of it, and couldn't wait till we got to "play" with some of the nasty stuff.

Basics finished, we got a weekend pass every 2 or 3 weeks. It was a matter of hitch hiking home on Friday afternoon, and back again on Sunday night. Those days, almost everyone would pick up a soldier in uniform, and take home safely as far as they were going.  It helped to convey to the driver where you were going, or, like me on one occasion, I ended up in Potch! an hour away from home, and they had driven right past my home town - but I was asleep in the back! Another time, I got a lift from 2 girls in a VW beetle - and suddenly, in the middle of nowhere, they just stopped the car. Then, opening a bottle of champagne, we celebrated the car going over 1 million kilometers! Fun times.

When December approached, some of us were hoping that we would be lucky enough to get the right weekend pass, and at least get to spend some Xmas time with the family. Alas, it was not to be. 2 Weeks before Christmas (more or less) we were shipped north - SWA here we come! Oh, and it was also after basics that we were told we could grow a moustache if we wanted to. I did - and have had one ever since!

So, off with the Flossie to the war. Some level of excitement, but also concern, as we didn't really know what to expect, which camps we would be shipped out to, what we would find. But this is what we had trained for, and we had been properly prepared.

 

More on this later….maybe….I don't really tell war stories….but the above memories will stir many emotions amongst me peers.

Winter 2025   

 So it's winter - 2025. And it's damn cold. I'm not sure if it's colder than previous years, I can't be bothered to go and check the stats, or, if I feel it more as I get older. But I do know that I don't like the cold weather! I don't mind the mild winters I remember from when I was much younger, but this cold, with the wind blowing, when 6deg C feels like 3 deg C, nah, not for me. 

But the upside is I know that spring, and summer are on their way, so there's always that! And I still get to ride my bike, just not when it's this cold. If the temperature gets up to around 14 or 15 deg C, I am quite happy to take her out of the garage and go for a spin.

At work, I have brought in an electrical hearer from home. I don't use it at home, as electricity is expensive, and I have a gas heater for there. But in my office? Well, I don't pay for electricity at work, so all good.

I've also taken to wearing multiple layers of clothing - again, not something I did when I was much younger, but I'm not that guy that puts up a brave act. I dress for warmth! I really feel sorry for the folk in the workshop. That's bitter cold! And as we don't have a lot of work at this time (read, no work), they not busy, so it makes it worse. If you busy, your body burns something (my mate Steve knows), and your body is warmer.

So, that's my update for today. Keep warm, keep safe, keep writing....

 Update?

It's been a while since I posted, but not for lack of trying. I have started probably 5 or 6 posts, and then just deleted them as I don't seem to be able to get the message across that I am wanting to, not able to express myself, for whatever reason.

Today will be no different, as I don't really know where this is going, other than I need to post something.

Saturday was a very quiet day. Saw my mom in the morning, then went home, spent some time in the garage / workshop working on a book stand for Luciano and Tayla, then chilled upstairs. Didn't even consider going to the poker game, not even to say hi to the guys. Apart from which, it was cold, and I didn't feel like being outside.

Sunday was spent with my daughter and grandchildren, lunch was at her brothers house, and so also relatively quite. Changed a garden tap for them (can't believe some guys have zero tools, as in not even a shifting spanner), and can't change a garden tap. No matter, took me all of 3 minutes after we went and bought a new tap.

The little one took her first few steps on Friday, so yesterday every time she stood upright, all cellphones were out to try and film her walking. Needless to say, all she did was laugh, and sit right back down! She sill be walking by next weekend for sure.

From there, a quick stop at the Dinky's to see my friend and the boys there, with their kids. Always so welcome there, it's nice.

Then home, and back into my own quiet, warm space.

So, not much going on. 

Back at work today, where we have an empty order book. I have 16 staff sitting around waiting. I'm hoping the boss got his loan from the DTI so we can start getting material and making stuff. Otherwise this place will be closed before Xmas, if that long.

Anyway, will post some more if something comes up.

Keep warm, and write something.....

 Control

Not sure why, but driving home yesterday from visiting with the grandchildren, I go to thinking about control. Not sure if it was a song playing on the radio that set it off, but it matters not.

AI on Google says it refers to the ability to direct or regulate something, person, object or process. Or the power or influence one has over others, or the action of restricting or influencing something.

But, in any situation the point of control is influenced by another external action. Let me see if I can put my point across.

Control of a process - You can switch a machine on or off, but if someone else had disconnected the electricity, that machine will not run.

Control of object - You can throw a ball, but the distance it goes is dependent on how strong you are, how heavy the ball is, if there is an object in the way, etc.

Control of person - You can instruct someone to do something, but if they refuse, it won't get done. You can then threaten them, but that involves a different action, from you and or them, so you have not been successful in controlling them.

Anything I can think of that involves control of some sort, can be impacted by a third party, thing, which means, to me, that we are never fully in control.

Not of people, things, processes, emotions, nothing.

Think about it   - be safe and be blessed.

I think I might be back to add to, expand this thought.

 Getting older

So getting older means also forgetting stuff, getting things wrong that you have always got right, and other assorted similar crap!

End of last year, after another bout of no water due to incompetence of our local municipality, I decided to put in a backup water tank, (1500lt) with a booster pump.

I then ran the pump without municipal feed so that I could have an idea how long the tank would last me. Nearly 10 days! I refilled it, and redid the test. Nearly 10 days! That means my average monthly consumption, normal use, not sparingly, would be around 4.5 - 5 Kl per month.

Now I checked my monthly water bill, and the average was 10Kl. I knew it was correct due to the fact that I send them a photo of the reading every month, and they bill me on that. But I also now realized that I was 'losing' 5Kl of water every month, and that after the meter, which stood in my property (that's another story).

So I walked up to the meter, and removed the cover around the base, and lo and behold, a leak! And a proper leak, basically 5Kl a month!

I reported it, it took them nearly 6 or 8 weeks, numerous emails, SMS's, WhatsApp's, and threats, but they came out, removed the faulty meter, and put in a new on, but on the pavement this time, on my instruction! And usage dropped to around 5Kl a month. Great.

Anyway, I digress - so we have had a water problem again, been a week or so. Last week Tuesday I switched to the tank again, knowing I'll be okay for around 10 days.

Yesterday (Sunday) I checked my electricity meter (prepaid) and I know I can get a month out of R1000.00 (around 353kWh). But I only had 70kWh left. That means I won't make it to the end of the month. Couldn't figure out why...

Last night I go upstairs to get ready for bed. I hear a humming sound coming in through the window. So I go back down, and go outside to se if I can identify the cause. I've heard it a few night in a row now, and decided to see what it was.

Turns out it's the water pump! I had forgotten to close one of the circulation valves, which means the pump was running 27/7for 6 days. Basically pumping water from the tank, into the feeder pipe and back into the tank!

That little error cost me around 70kWh of electricity - and that's why I will be short this month, and will have to buy more to get me through the month.

And that's how we learn -

Be blessed everyone!

 Work?

Work life at the moment sucks - big time.

Since our new owner took over the company, our turnover had decreased to 10% of what it was. The past two months have been a bit better, but still no where near what it needs to be. It has cost him in excess of 1.8 million to keep our doors open!

Some background - This company was owned by Mr. and Mrs. Hean. I started here working 2 days a week. Then out primary client (95%+) was 3BM SA, owned by Roger Mar1in. After Mr. Hean passed away, Mrs. Hean asked me to stay on and help run the company.

For some years prior, they had been trying to sell the company to Roger, who always indicated his interest, but never made an offer. After he died, Mrs. Hean told him she really wanted to sell. He delayed and played the game till she dropped her price to a ridiculous number. He seriously "stole" the company. But no matter, now our client was also our owner, as Roger owns 3BMSA.

Then Roger sold 3BMSA and Rhombic to a BEE buyer, an African guy who got funding from the IDC or one of those institutions. He didn't get enough funds to buy out Roger completely, so bought the company, and some of the existing stock. This meant that Roger still owned a lot of stock - probably around 40 million!

Now, Roger was well off, so could float 3BMSA on a monthly basis if funds ran short, Then when the money came in, he would be refunded. This worked well, the company had an average monthly turnover of around 8 million Rand! At a 35% profit margin, good business.

So the new guy takes over. Renames the place 3BM SGT - this means that all 3EBMSA suppliers whom they had accounts with, now see this as a new company, so go COD. New owner will have to first build up his credit worthiness before they will open accounts. And as he has limited access to funds, he struggles to get raw materials. And with no raw material, we can't manufacture for him, so clients don't get their product, and many go elsewhere! 

He gets onto Rogers bad side, so Roger firms up on his credit as well, meaning that even though Roger has in stock the products 3BMSGT needs, they can't get it till they pay for it! That's what happens when you burn bridges! His GM resigns on short notice, so he has to get a new one - they don't come cheap, and as he's also an African, comes with attitude, demands a new company car as he doesn't like the nearly new Pajero the previous GM drove. And I am sure a fat salary, company petrol card, expense account, cellphone, etc.

His sales manger gets worked out - so has to employ a new one - won't just promote the person in sales who has been responsible for 80% of the turnover for the past 5 - 6 years! Nope, maybe because she's white and female!

Then he hires in 2 African lady HR consultants - who everyone agrees adds no value to the company - and they can't be disposed of as he signed them for a 12 month contract! (R50k a month is what they getting paid).

Internally, they promote a clerk (African) into the buying position - including all purchases of products from sub-contractors, like our company! He has no idea what he's doing, and has to keep referring back to his old boss for guidance and assistance!

I finally learned that the new owner comes from a corporate environment, and his plan is to turn this small / medium company into a corporate! All that means is big overheads, expensive top management, a CEO position (for him), a board, and the glory of telling your mates you are the owner, and CEO, of a corporation! Seriously?

All this spending has left him in a situation where he can no longer buy materials like the company used to, so we can't manufacture. 

So, I now have a company I run, where out of the 15  workshop employees, only about 5 are working, The rest I am trying to keep busy! We have made "stock" with material that was on our floor, and Have cleaned and repacked the 3 workshops, and I even have a guy on the roof painting!

He's now also employed a financial consultant. Go figure - a bit late for that, and he's expensive - and I can't see how he's going to add value, other than he's now looking at my job description, which I supplied him with, to re-evaluate my salary which I told him I am not happy with. I know, wrong time as the company is doing so bad, well, he needs to know what I bring to the party, before they decide they can replace me with an African manager - then they will close the doors here! 

So, here's hoping they get the top up loan from the IDC they have applied for - here's hoping the IDC manage to get Eishkom to stop importing / buying cheaper Chinese imports (they not really much cheaper, and their quality sucks, but the guy in Cape Town who imports this shit is known to hand out brown envelopes to some of the procurement staff at Eishkom!)

If only get the fuse box business back, and get awarded the current tenders which are pending, we will do a minimum of 750k a month turnover, which is much more than we need to do to keep the company afloat, and I could by employing another 8 or so people, grow that number to between 1 million and 1.5 million Rand a month!

Some names have been altered - to protect myself!

End of rant - at least I have this off my chest.

Now for my next trick - sending love and peace to the world from my blog.

 Grandchildren

I'm sitting here at my desk, finishing off the weeks reports and stuff. My cellphone is next to me on the desk, and every time my hand passes over it, the screen light up. And all I see is my screensaver, a photo of me and my 3 grandchildren, taken a few months ago. And it makes me smile.

I have been blessed with 3 beautiful, happy, loving kids, still small (4 and 2 and 1), but they have consumed me.

The joy they bring to my life when I visit them is incredible. Yes, as kids they can be testing too.

The oldest, very clever little lady, always has questions, and has mastered the use of "Why?" She wants to know everything, and needs an explanation for everything. Her dad told me one evening when he was tucking her in she asked "Do we still swallow our spit when we sleeping?" Now who has ever even given that a thought, yet she did, and wanted to know! As my first grandchild, she's always going to own the top spot in my heart, not to say the other two don't feature, they are very close behind, but like most special things in our lives, the first one is probably the most treasured. At school she's the class "madam"! Always first to offer to help the teacher, always up front when arranging games (wanting to have her own way), a real drama queen when needed. Loves drama (as in plays, acting, singing), does ballet, swims, likes to color in. Has given me loads of pages with various scribbles (from when she was little) and excitedly tells me "Look what I mad for you Nonno!", all of which I have kept. So precious.

The second one - he's a typical boy. And typically 2 yrs old. Terrible twos' is what they refer to, and he's living up to that. He's adamant he will get his way, will ignore you, and push his luck at every turn. I have worked out if I want him to do something, I tell him the opposite, and then get the result I want! He's a fast learner, with the added advantage of having a clever bigger sister who he has loved to mimic. For a long time he would just repeat whatever she said or did. Of late I have noticed that he's getting more of his own personality. He has learned much quicker to form full sentences, and is getting used to sometimes having to play alone. Probably going to school (Grade RRRRRR?????) has helped him break his dependence on his sister.

The baby, well she's just a heart breaker - the most beautiful little person. She's also learning very fast, as she has two siblings teaching her, and whom she watches all the time. She wants to be able to join them in their shenanigan's, so her development seems to be much faster.

Overall, I may have many issues in my life that affect me negatively, but one afternoon spent with these precious blessings, and my daughter (in-law), and I'm ready for whatever the next week will throw at me.

Keep safe out there

 Looking back

I was again. as usual, playing with my blog page layout - It's still not like I want it, but it's okay - for now. I read some of my very old posts (the original blog I can't find - have no clue how to find it either), but that old stuff really brought back some memories - went through some very dark times back then - and it's not that long ago.

Glad I've managed to push through it, and move on. It reminded me that anxiety, and more so, depression, are very bad spaces to be in, and if you are not careful, can be disastrous. I have learned over time to identify / recognize the symptoms, and have managed to get out of that space myself. On the few occasions I couldn't "reverse" my emotional state, I have got medical help. It works - it's worth it, and you get back control of your life.

So, the point I'm making here (and also as a reminder to myself), don't be ashamed of  feeling anxious or even depressed. It can be controlled / fixed. Too many men have been raised to think a man shouldn't show / suffer this emotion, and it's probably the primary cause for suicide among men.

Finally, if you know someone who is going through this, make time to speak to them, even better, make an effort to listen to them, no need to offer advise, other than, "Maybe it's time to see a doctor?".

Good luck out there - love your life.

 So I'm a little slow....

I only just now noticed that the blog page automatically puts in the date above the post. I have been putting the date into the heading, so as to be able to refer back, remember when I posted whatever I wrote. Sorry, I'm a little slow, but keeping track of specific dates has become important to me.

Other than that, not too much news. My current contract with my employer ends at the end of this month. I have a few options:-

1) Keep quiet, come to work as usual on 02 June, and keep working, which will automatically make me a permanent employee!

2) Raise the issue with him, and get served with a new (1 or 2) year contract, which then again had an "end date".

The problem is that June is my increase month. If I go and speak to him about my increase, he may pick up that my contract is coming to an end, and then either let me go (not likely), or get his HR ladies to draw up a new contract for me. This would open the door for renegotiation of my salary and employment terms, I suppose, but still risky. Or I wait till July, which is increase month for all the other employees, and take the minimum as per the steel industry, which isn't actually applicable to me.

So I'm not sure what to do.

Personally, I think I should go and see him, explain that it's time for my increase, and see if I can negotiate a better deal. My current salary was agreed to when the previous owner bought out my original employer. He said he would only buy the company if I agreed to stay on. The salary was what we agreed on - but probably short of what I should have asked for. I was just wanting to ensure the sale went through for the lady who had decided to sell after her husband passed away.

SO, any advise there from my brother (or anyone else who might stumble across this blog)?

 When we can help, we should - 12 May 2025

On Sunday morning, I went to church, followed by a visit t my mom. I hadn't seen her on Saturday as usual, as I went to a 1st birthday party for my last born grandchild. My sister was also visiting mom, so we had a chance to catch up. And as usual, we got into a discussion about the shenanigans going on in my extended family (read sons). She's adamant that counselling is the answer. I know that one of the party isn't interested. Anyway, we have these discussions, share information, and agree to continue to pray over the issue.

I had bought mom a cappuccino on the way, which she really enjoyed. Then the sister arrived with a small cub cake, which I fed to mom, along with a second cup of coffee. After about 45 minutes, I said my goodbyes.

As I got into the car, I saw I had a message from a very good friend, who had on Friday past left for Malta. She's there on a 3 - 5 year contract, how lucky. She's the widow of my late best friend Mike, who died a few years ago, and we have kept in touch.

Anyway, just over a week ago she contacted me about an elderly couple who live close to me. The man was their pastor many years ago, and ran the church where Mike and Erika got saved. They were always close, and kept in touch even after moving to the Cape. She told me the lady had recently got sick, and 8 weeks in hospital did nothing to help, in fact, she had walked into there, and eventually came home in a wheelchair. She said the old man wasn't coping too well. For a start he can't cook! Then, being 81 years old, he's struggling to lift her off the bed, get her to the bathroom and back. She won't eat much, usually only wants toast and jam, so he doesn't bother to buy in any ready made meals, which means he's not eating well. A couple of times she's taken a fall, and he's had to contact a neighbor to come and help get her up. She says she does not want to go back to hospital, and wont accept him getting a caregiver in to help. So he's in a bad space. I went round then to introduce myself, and told him if he needs any help, he's free to call me. I live maybe 3 minutes away. Nice old guy. We spent probably 30 minutes chatting in his driveway. I got Erika the details of Brian's, a place just 500 meters from the old peoples home, that do meals daily, and deliver, and it's good food, and R50 a plate for pensioners. She was going to try and arrange for a meal to be delivered 3 - 4 times a week.

Anyway, so I see a message from her. The old man has contacted her again, and she's worried because apart from the usual, they really not eating well. Now on my first visit I confirmed that finances are not a problem. I called her, and told her this, and said I'd go round and chat to him about Brian's, and other food delivery options in the area. She asked if I'd pick up two Sunday lunches from Brian's and deliver it. She would pay me back. No problem. Sunday lunch is a fuller meal, and costs a bit more, but still cheap. I get there, order two meals, and wait 30 minutes in my car, as all meals are prepared fresh.

I drive to their home, call, and he comes out. He's very happy to see me, and thankful for the meals. Again, he keeps me chatting in the driveway for probably another 45 minutes. I don't mind, as I can hear he needs to talk, and has some nice stories to tell, in-between updating me on the situation with his wife. My advise was that he get her back to a doctor, and ask for a referral to a proper specialist, so they can find out how she went from a walking patient with infection in her blood and kidneys, to a nearly paralyzed wheelchair patient! Also, even though she says no, if she needs to be hospitalised, do it. And if you need help, get a caregiver. It's also about him, and his ability to care for her, and his health. And, hold onto your faith, you being tested. We had a good chat, he was very thankful for my time and care.

Imagine being married for 40 years, never having to cook or clean, and suddenly being responsible, at age 81, for all that. And having to take care of the woman who always took care of you. Having to clean up after her if she does not make it to the bathroom on time. I know some of you have been doing this, and take my hat off to you. But he's an old man, old school, does it because he knows he has to, but does not have the strength to. I feel for him.

I'll see him again soon I'm sure. And we think we have problems.

Be safe out there.

 Answered prayers - 12 May 2025

Once again, in a situation where I knew I needed some help and comfort, I sent up a prayer, and He heard me and answered.

I had a situation this past Saturday, where I was worried that my anxiety would probably get the better of me. My friend DMD said he was sure I would be okay, because that's just the person I am, but I wasn't so sure.

Anyway, on the way I asked our Father just to be with me, calm my mind, and watch my mouth. And He did. And all went well.

I am blessed.... Be safe and sending much love to you.

 A memory - 30 April 2025

That's us, sitting in the booth
You, with your wild hair

Your laughing eyes

And that naughty look

That's us

Now it's just me

That booth is empty

No laughing

No sneaky sideways glance

Nothing

My only thought

"Your loss"

 If I don't do anything then.....

I have posted here before about the situation the company I work for finds itself. Anyway, last week Thursday, just before I went to the doctor, the guy who own the place next door asked if he could come and view the property. He has in the past indicated an interest in buying it, but that discussion didn't bear fruit.

Now he's interested again. So much so that before I got home after his viewing, I got a call from the current owner to say he had made an offer, and it was for more than she was expecting!

Okay, so he really wants the place! I know he tried to buy the place behind the one next door, but that's not for sale. So, my advise to the landlady was to get hold of my boss, and let him know that if he does not put in an offer now, she's going to sell, and he will have to move.

Thing is, the lease here comes up at the end of May, around 6 weeks time. If this property gets sold, then we have to move. We have to find alternative workshops which suit our needs. We will have to get forklifts, riggers and crane trucks to move all the machines and equipment. The cost, my estimate, would be around R200k, depending how far we move. Then, in the new premises, we would have to get an electrical company to upgrade and fit the distribution boards, and pull in all the cables required to power the machines. My estimate here is between R300 and R400k! Along with being out of production for probably 4 - 6weeks.

This morning I went to where his offices are, and met with him. I explained the above, and recommended that he seriously consider buying the property. He listened and said that he had been in contact with the bank (for financing?), and they just needed one more document from him.

Let's see how this goes.

On another (related?) note, last month they didn't load the pay on time, and we all got paid late. It took for me to drive to his offices, and request they make it immediate clearance (which costs the company money), and ensure my staff get paid same day. Before I got back to the office we had all been paid. This month, I called him the night before payday, at around 6pm. I explained that I was checking that he had cleared the payments online, and he confirmed he had. Great, I thought.

The next morning (Friday 25/03/2025), I saw no notification on my cell phone from the bank. I get to work, and the employees confirm none of them have been paid! Damn! I make a call to the main office, and speak to the lady who loads the payments onto the banking system. She confirms that the payments were not released. I ask her to change them to "Immediate clearance" and get the boss to release. Then I call my staff together, and tell them there has again been a hiccup, but I promise that they will get paid before we knock off!

Lucky, about 2 hours later the wages came through, everyone got their notifications from their banks, and that problem was sorted.

I look like the hero now, but that aside, we really don't need this kind of stress. My staff don't earn bombs, don't have access to other funds, so depend on their pay coming in on time.

As it is, we gat paid on the last Friday of every month, but next week I'm meeting with the FM and CEO, and asking them to change it to the 25th of every month. That way, if there is a hiccup, we have a day or two to sort it out.

And this morning I received a message from the current landlord to confirm that the boss had indicated he will be sending her an offer, matching the other one she had received. So looks like he's buying. And, the offer was a couple ok 100k above her original asking price!

Enuff of that.....have another subject I want to post about - on my other blog.

 April 22, 2025 - Another day in paradise

So here we are. Tuesday morning, at the office. I know, I should be working, well, I'm the manager here, and at the moment we not too busy, I have made sure all is well in the factory, so can take 5 minutes to start this post.

I posted a blog directed at a very good friend (brother), and he replied on his blog. Interesting how that's working.. Suffice to say, we know each other too well.

I can't wait till I can get down there to spend a few days together. He's a good man, gives great advice, listens to hear and not just respond.... Not too many people like him around - well, not in my life anyway.

So, this coming weekend, my nephew (in-law, read ex's sister son) is getting married, It's his second. I was on the invite list - one of only 70 people, but alas, I had to decline. And I'm quite pissed about it. You see, the ex will obviously be there, probably with her ??, and his parents. Since our divorce, I have had no communication with the ex family, other than when my mom-in-law died, and then as little as possible. 

Also, even though I made a point of being the better person after the divorce with regards how I treated my ex, that has now come to an end. On the basis that she is enabling my son with regards his decision to divorce his wife, I can no longer, in good faith, be that guy. So I am making a point of avoiding her as much as possible.

What pisses me off is that I am now missing out on events which include family and friends. I know, it's my decision, but made on the back of my self respect, and not wanting to condone the actions of others. If you are seen to be in acceptance of their actions, it reflects on you as well!

So, apart from the fact that I was sick, I didn't get to spend Good |Friday, or Easter Sunday with my family. Had we been a normal family, my illness would not have ben an issue. We would have go together, and celebrated, minding that I don't infect the little ones. Well that didn't happen. Had we been a normal family, I would be flying down to the Cape this week to attend the wedding.

What's even more annoying, and again, probably due to decisions and / or choices I have made, is that their lives are going on as normal. This is their new normal. But it's not normal, not in my eyes.

And this bring to the fore another issue. I know my boys care for me, and look out for me. More so my biking wingman - he has much of my personality, so caring for those close to you comes naturally. However, of late I have been feeling bad about stuff, mostly because I don't want him to feel like I am now his responsibility. He has his own life, and shouldn't have to worry about his dad, make sure I feel included, looked after, etc.

I'm not saying that his actions are because he feels responsible to look out for me - I just don't want it to be that. Does this makes sense? It does in my head. I really appreciate him, and what he does for me.

Enough for now..... Not sure where I was going with this post, other than to record my feelings and thoughts.

On the basis that I probably only have one reader, who I am very comfortable to share my stuff with, I'm okay with publishing it here.

Be safe out there.

 20 April, 2025 - To my blogger brother.

I have spent two days running and writing this post in my head. There is so much I want to say, even more I should say, and yet......

All would be so much easier and better if done face to face. But that's not an option right now, so I'm going to try and speak to him through this post.

DMD / DMGD....

Your post really hit me, and yes, I was in tears. And not only because of the content of your post, but also because I understand what you going through - mostly.

First thing I have to put out there, there is no shame in a man showing his emptions, crying, getting emotionally upset. There are not features reserved for the ladies. I think there is someone out there right now who would gladly offer a listening ear, along with any tears, without any judgement. Seriously. I've been there, and still am in many respects - I have no shame showing that I feel. We are human, made with emotions as part of your DNA, and just because we were raised in an ear where men didn't show their emotions does not mean we don't have any, and does not make that statement true. Giving vent to your emotions helps. You will no doubt have had those crying sessions when you are alone in your room, and that gearbox in your brain is running amok, with all the "what if's", and "why me's"..... And you will have felt a bit better afterwards - I know - I have.

Your partner is ill, and you had to make a big decision about her care - and you did - I have no idea how hard that was, but I do know what having a family member suffering from that disease is like, and the best thing for them is being in a place that can give them the care and attention they deserve. You arranged that. Well done.

You also looking for company now, been alone too long (I was warned after my divorce "Don't get used to your own company" - I didn't listen). I understand. It's nice to have another person on call, someone who you can have dinners with, take walks, sit and chat... share some normal life together. And you will find her. She's out there. But it takes time, and patience.

I know you not impulsive, and so won't get into anything you don't feel right about. And your a nice guy, well mannered, gentle, love music, love life - hey what's not to like about you. So, you will find someone.

The fear of maybe being alone can conjure up unfounded fears, and we need to be aware of this - don't want to make hasty decisions.

Finally, the lady you speak of looks awesome (if it's her that Facebook popped up as a possible friend, who is linked to you...). She's been responsive, good. She's probably going to read your blog. You should get "feedback" of some sort from that. Either way, stressing about it now won't change the outcome.

Apart from the above, the past couple of years have been hard on you. I understand what you went through with your S. I am in awe of what you did for her before you had to make your hard decision. Your brothers story, and now having to take care of the Monster nephew, plus having your mom live with you... It's been hard. I know. 

Now this is where I'm at - And I think I know your stand on this, but it's my story.

When I was at the very bottom of my darkness, I had only one place left to turn, my bible. I opened on random pages and read. Closed it, opened again and read. And so many times the paragraph or chapter had a message for me for that day, or that specific event that needed clearing up / sorting out.

My heling came after one particularly bad evening, I was in my study, I had read a piece, and then started to talk to my "dad". Yes, I refer to God as Dad, He doesn't mind. In tears I eventually found myself on the floor, begging Him to take it away, to help me get through this, to stop my brain gearbox from going into overdrive....

I don't knowhow long I was there, if I passed out or fell asleep or what. But some time later I got up, and felt lighter. My mind wasn't burning out, I was calm, and able to think clearly about stuff. Since then, I've had a few bad stints, I've even had to get meds for the depression twice when I couldn't work my way through it..... But I've never again got to that low point I was that night.

I don't really know your stand on religion or God, or Jesus. I must assume you will have some knowledge on the subject (you not a stupid person), and I doubt you believe that you are the descendant of an ape....So, brother, maybe just sit on your deck at sunset, with a glass of wine, or beer, and have a chat to Dad. He's listening, and will hear you. It's a non-critical ear, and with promised good results.

Sorry if I am coming across as bible bashing - I'm not wanting to, just sharing what happened to me. I have so much more to say here, but maybe better kept for another time - maybe when I get to visit again.

Be strong, keep up the good work. Believe in your self.....and stay safe brother.

 20 April 2025 - Easter Sunday

This has been a different Easter for me. Unfortunately I got the flu earlier this week, and it turned into bronchitis, so I'm basically homebound. Was supposed to go to the boys on Good Friday for a prawn braai, but wasn't up for it. Wingman came round with his new lady later to bring me some prawns. Apart from church in the morning, I stayed home, indoors.

Saturday I didn't go and visit my mom as usual, as I definitely don't want to make her sick. So took a drive to a drug rehab center, where a late friends son is getting treatment. He's been there a year in a weeks time, has cleaned up well, is considering joining their counselling training. We will see how he does. I needed to get him to sign some documents for the lawyers attending to his late dad's estate. Got back home, went round to a local poker game, and joined in. Was a free roll, so no expense. Did okay, went out 9th, but considering there were 30 players who started, that's a good result. But, when the cards don't come, they don't come. Got home, went to bed, but didn't get much sleep.

Today, church. Was a nice service. Then came home. Been here all day. Had a simple lunch, have to eat to take my meds. Wingman called to say hi, and check on me. We would have gone on a breakfast run today if   didn't get sick. We agreed, maybe tomorrow, if I'm up for it. However, I'm not sure I should be exposing my chest to the cold. Will probably give it a miss.

I'm not stressed about not having had a typical family Easter Sunday, But being alone has given me a different perspective on the meaning of the day (Resurrection Sunday), and time to reflect.

Bigger issues are the possibility of my employer going out of business. That's going to leave me in a shithole. The property is also under offer to purchase, and if it gets sold, we will have to relocate the workshops by the end of May! Lease expired 31 May! And that's a shit show - probably 2 - 3 weeks downtime. Maybe problems with staff and transport. And the expense involved with moving trucks, riggers, forklifts, rewiring the new premises - it would probably be cheaper for my boss to buy the premises we are in.

But that's very much out of my hands, and so I keep the faith.

 Latest status - 15 April 2025

I've been a bit slack here - been kind of busy. Head office has sent a graduate to spend some time with us to learn the ropes. The guy studied music - yup, and now he's at an engineering company. His dad is partner in the business, so that's how it happened.

That said, he's a nice fellow, well mannered, and keen to learn, so I'm teaching him as much as I can. He's going to be here for 4 weeks, then will be back again in 4 months time.

Apart from that, I have picked up the flu, but am still at work - no peace for the wicked. However, if it gets really bad, I'll gladly take a few days off to recover.

On the home front, all is quiet. Have arranged to go out on the bike with my wingman on Sunday, so I'll be attending the 6.15 am service at the church, so that we can get an early start as well and enjoy the road with the other bikers. If we go after the 9am service, (10am), we kind of miss the bunch, and don't get the full breakfast run experience. We will see how the 6.15 am thing works if I still have the flu!

Still alone at home, and I seem to have got over the "I think I need someone around" thing I went through a few weeks ago. It happens, and I ride it out. All I need to watch out for is getting depressed. Happens quickly at times, but I have learned to recognize it, and manage it.

So all good there. I've started to clean out stuff, albeit slowly, as I know that at sometime I will want to sell the place. I'm finding stuff that hasn't been used since the divorce, and those are going to a good home (read: staff at work are benefitting).

I did a cleanup in the pantry a few months ago, and found stuff (tinned stuff) that had expired 10 years ago! That went into the bin with speed.

I've dumped half of the plastic containers (why do we have so many), and will be dumping some more soon. There's an old popcorn maker,  one of those soda stream machines (all the rubbers have perished), and some other kitchen stuff I don't even know what they are used for - they going soon.

SO, all good, keeping moderately busy, behaving, and staying safe.

 Got to keep writing

Someone commented that I need to keep writing - follow up on previous posts, or something new.

Go figure - I live alone. My day goes as follows

Up at 6.30am - Do the bathroom thing, shower etc. - Get dressed - Go downstairs, switch on the kettle - go outside for a smoke - go inside make coffee - go outside again....2 cups of coffee and maybe 4 or 5 smokes later, I've checked the Facebook updates, read any WhatsApp messages that have come through, read the daily message and prayers, and get ready to go to work. It's now 7.40am.

Note:- At this point I have not spoken to anyone yet.

Drive to work, get there at 8.am. Go inside - now I get to speak to people, the employees. Put in my 8 hours, and at 5pkm, lockup the factory and go home. I'm home by 5.15pm, if I don't stop at the club for a cold one with the boys.

Once I'm home, I don't get to speak to anyone again till I get to the office the next day - Maybe a call from one of my sons, or Gavin, a close mate, but other than that, nothing.

So, unless something happens during the day that requires taking note of, or needs to be shared with my hundreds of followers, I don't have too much to say.

Weekends are similar - up early, coffee, smokes. A visit to mom at frail care in the old age home (Advanced dementia means no communication, but I believe she knows I'm there).

Then sometimes to the club for a late breakfast, then home. Up early on Sunday - same routine - then Church, followed by a visit to my sister, followed by a visit to my grandchildren, and then my other son, and then home, to prepare for work on Monday.

Saturday afternoons I used to play poker - a nice game just a few k's down the road. But I've given that up as I can't play against donkeys, and I strip my moer too quick - it's not healthy for me :)

Reading through this post I get the feeling I need to get a life!

I am, however, posting quite a bit on my other private blog, and might share the link sometime.

Keep safe out there.....

 

 New Blog - but private for now

I've started another blog page, where I am writing down certain personal and emotional issues. It's not for public display at the moment, but more like an online diary, for myself. In it I write about specific situations, my reactions / responses to them, and sometimes my reasons.

Why? Well, I'm nearing 66 years of age, I'm probably a bit forgetful, and want to know that I have a reference I can go back on, including dates, so that I can refresh my mind, and if need be, explain my actions / reactions if they ever come up in a conversation.

Or maybe I just need to write, and my feedlot at this time is more personal, not for public consumption. Maybe I'll soon be back to writing some poetry, haven't done much of that in a while, and considering I have over 200 poems in my list, it's surprising.

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now.

Keep safe out there.....

 Update on my last post

At 9.45 am, last Friday, I left the workshop and headed for the place where I would find my boss. We had not yet received our pay for the month, and the staff were not happy.

On the way there, probably 5 minutes out from his offices, my phone beeped - sms from the bank to confirm my salary had been paid in. I call one of the guys back at the workshop, nothing yet for him. I called the office lady, same.

By the time I reached the boss's office, there were 4 confirmations of salaries received. I went inside, and sat with one of the guys there that I usually deal with, and waited to see if the rest were getting paid.

Slowly the messages came through, and finally, it seemed the issue had been resolved, so I didn't bother to go and see the boss, and just drove back to work. There I found that one of the guys didn't know if he had been paid. He does not have the banking app on his phone, and no airtime, so can't receive SMS's!

As it was now close to 12 midday (we work till 2pm on Fridays) and as we had all had to stress because of this late payment, I gave everyone the rest of the day of, and locked up. I sent the errant guy R10.00 airtime, and told him to find an ATM and check his balance, and to let me know if he had been paid.

I heard from him on Saturday, where he confirmed he had been paid, but into the wrong account. It seems he was with one bank, moved to another, informed the office, but they still got it wrong.

Anyway, all's well that ends well - we got paid, got off early, and are back at work to face another day / week / month.

Oh, and the upside is everyone at work thinks I'm the hero cause I got the problem sorted!

It's getting tight now

In a previous post I spoke about the place where I work, and the new owner, and the fact that he has no financial sense. Well, the norm her (which I want to change) is that we get paid the last Friday of the month. Everyone is monthly paid, and we have always been paid on time, except once before where there was a hitch in the banking system, and we got our money one day late.

Today is pay day. Usually, by the time I get to work, all the staff on Capitec accounts confirm they have got their money. Then slowly, the other banks clear the payment. I usually get my money by around 10am.

All this depends on when the "boss" signs off (electronically) on the payments.

The amounts are loaded into the banking system for payment by a person in the finance department, but can only be released by the boss. If he fails to click on the icon from his computer / laptop, it does not go through. This morning, no one has been paid. Quick call to the main office confirms that he wasn't in yesterday and so hasn't done the deed. I told them I need it to be flagged for immediate payment (I don't care if it costs them more) as my staff need their money!

I'll wait to 10am, and if we still have not been paid, I'm driving to their offices to look for the boss myself!

Because the same guy owns the company I work for, and the company that we manufacture for, he has a central office / person to handle all banking issues. All our accounts get paid from there, our salaries, etc. We (me and the lady in the office) have no access to any of the banking, not even to look at what's been paid in. We have to get the information from this central office. Not that I care, but it does pose a problem when you don't always get the feedback you need when you need it.

So, we will wiat till 10am, then see if I have to go and threaten my boss with a possible wildcat strike!

 Seriously Sewerage

Well, this is interesting. Waterfall Estate - a very upmarket estate in Midrand. Rentals start at R40k per month, average homes rent for around R60 to R70k per month. Many rent for over R100k per month!

Prices for houses range from R8m to over R35m!

The Jukskei river runs through there, and as most of you might know, it also runs past a massive squatter camp near Sandton. So, the water is suspect at best, very dirty, but okay for viewing, and for the little dams that have been built along it's route through the estate. They also have a rather large dam next to the clubhouse. It's very picturesque, kept stocked with fish (but no fishing allowed there), and has a large birdlife. Nice. Pretty.

In the past few weeks, a big sewerage pipe, somewhere along the river, popped. All the sewerage is now spilling into the river, running through the estate, and has filled the dam! Living there now smells like living next door to a working sewerage farm!

The Johannesburg municipality have told the owners of the estate that they are not allowed to employ contractors to do the required repairs, at it is a municipal problem, so they will sort it out. However, they have no money now, so it can't be done, yet.

Seriously, you have an estate full of stinking rich people who are willing to pay for the repairs out of their own pockets, and you won't let them? Yup, that's the ANC / African mentality for you. Go figure - they more stupid than I originally thought - not that I ever doubted there stupidity.

This means that once it is done, if ever, the river will have to run for a few months to wash away all the sewerage, and the dams will have to be emptied, cleaned out, and refilled. And as we coming to what would normally be the end of our rainy season, this situation could be around for another 12 months.

Glad I don't have to drive past that dam everyday. Or live near it. 

 Well that went well

I haven't discussed my present state of employment yet. A few years ago (late 2020), I was unemployed, and due to a few coincidental factors, found myself doing maintenance work at a small engineering company in Chamdor. 2 Days a week, because that's all the owner said he could afford. It was no problem for me, at least I was working. He had got very sick, was permanently on oxygen, so could no longer move around as before, and needed someone to help with maintaining / fixing the machinery. It's all very old equipment, and so calling in a service provider was either very expensive, or useless, and no one wants to make parts for these old machines anymore. His wife was working with him, doing all the office work.

This soon became a 3 days a week job. I proved I was worth the extra money, and learned a lot from him as well. I also got involved with assisting with the production when there was a bit of a backlog on the line. This gave me invaluable insight into the operation, and possibilities of the place.

Soon after Covid restrictions were lifted, he got the virus. I started to work full time. Then Kevin died. It was tragic, sad, and a major problem for his wife. She approached me to sign on permanent to run the whole operation for her.

And I accepted. It was a good period, we did well. She trusted me enough to leave the place in my hands while she went overseas for 3 months to visit her kids!

Then she found a buyer - in fact, he was the owner of our biggest client (95 % of our business). I'm not going to get into all the details here.

Business still went well, as long as my client was getting orders, so were we. Then he put both companies on the market. And after some time found a buyer - for both. So now I had a new boss, and again he owned both the company I run, and my biggest client. He's an African guy, nice enough, but has big aspirations of boing the CEO of his own Corporate.

Problem is, he bought a small to medium sized company - Yes, they turned over between R40 and R60 million a year, but still not a corporate. 

And in the past 6 months, since he took over, my order book has dwindled to ZERO! It used to always be around R800k to R1.2m, and turning. We would invoice on average around R600k a month.

Since he came on board, we haven't even managed to cover wages each month. And this month, March 2025, we have hardly invoiced R60K.

The problem is this- first, he changed part of his company name, which means that the accounts with the current service providers fell away,  so any purchases of material is C.O.D. (and in the case of most, pay upfront)! This will continue till the New Co qualifies for a 30 day account. This has killed his cashflow!

Secondly, his aspirations of "Corporate" means he has been using the service of two ladies for HR Consulting (R50k per month!), his methods have cause the GM to take his early retirement and so has a new GM (African dude with attitude), he's had to employ a new Sales Manager (old one left after much abuse), and he has employed a Financial Consultant. He has a new costings manager..... All of these are massively expensive overheads, who add nothing to the bottom line! But they need cars, credit cards, garage cards, fat salaries.....

He's run out of money. Because he has spent so much on  stuff that does not sell. And now has applied for additional funding from wherever they get money (black empowerment funding company who's name now evades me).

Because he has no more money, he can't order material, so we cannot manufacture. And when his money is approved, he will need to place order for material. The turn around at the aluminum extruders, and plastic injection molding guys is 4 to 6 weeks. Which means, even if he places the orders on April 1st, we might get material by the end of April, and we can start delivering by the end of the first week of April. But that's still 5 weeks away!

 I Digress. Today we were surprised with a visit from the 2 HR ladies, as well as the new GM for ENB, and FM for EBM. They asked about how we run the company, do the invoicing, etc. I explained how I had created a massive spreadsheet that I now use for pricing of new products, and that our running costs for the past12 months is R2.36 per person per minute (also from my spreadsheet). And how the pricing is cross linked to other spreadsheets (like wages, price list, etc.). They were impressed enough to ask me to share it with them! Also put them in their place when they asked an=bout the old material we still have in stock. It belongs to the previous owner - they said well then make him fetch it asap. I told them that's now how it works. I have spoken to him, he asked for a few weeks to get his warehouse in order and make some space. And I agreed. And that's how it's going to happen.

Then a walk through my operation, the GM said he had seen where the welding was being done by robots at another factory - and I said yup, by me a R2.5m machine and we can do it here as well. In fact, with about R20m, I could automate most of this place, and just keep about 5 people employed. But I would rather make them like I do, and keep 15 families fed! He's an African guy, and seemed to agree with me after all.

At the end of the day, the visit went well, I think they going back with some good things to say about me to the boss man. Either way, I do what I do to the best of my ability, and to the benefit of the Boss, and more importantly, the employees.

More on this as things develop.

 What's up with this.....

For the past 4 to 6 weeks I have been waking up at around 4.30 am. Not every night, but often enough for me to be troubled by the event. And it's not like I am getting to bed too early, always after 10pm, usually closer to 11. And when I wake up, I'm not tired, to the point where I eventually just get up, go downstairs and have a smoke or 3, and a cup of coffee, or 2....Just sitting outside on my deck, listening to the birds start to chirp, and some poor buggers leaving for work (crap when you have to travel far for work).

And it's not like I'm tired early the next day. So, my sleep clock is broken. The other issue is when I do wake up (even if it's with the alarm clock at 6.30am), my body is sore. Especially the hips. But, as soon as I hit the shower, that pain goes away. Old age stiffness I suppose.

On other matters, I have had another run in with the local municipality. They have been stuffing around with the billing for water usage. So when we built the house, we had a pre-paid water meter installed. Worked well for about 12 months. Then it packed up. I reported it, and they came out to check. They removed it, saying they didn't have a replacement, put a bypass pipe in, and left, promising to be back with another unit. They never came back. Every 6 months I would go down to the water department, tell them I am still waiting for a new meter, and leave. Every other month I would send an email. Nothing. That was around August 2006. In July 2017, I had to take the ex off of the account, so went to see them. They did a check on the system, and saw that I had not bought any water tokens for a while! Seriously? You the same clown that has ignore my verbal and written requested for 11 years, and now this? Anyway, they can only back bill for 36 months, and only the average for the area, so it cost me around R36000. And on the 12th of May, 2022, they finally came out and installed a new water meter - but on my property, not outside on the sidewalk where they can take readings every month.

So, on the 8th of every month, I have been taking a photo of the meter, and sending an email to 3 or 4 people who "work" in the water department, and who are responsible to capture said details.

My email includes:- 1) Date, 2) Reading, 3) Serial number of meter, 4) Physical address, 5) Erf number and 6) a phot of the said meter. For the first while, they captured the details as sent. Then they seemed to lose the plot, and the readings were a few KL off, like the reading might go from 358 to 369 (11kl), and they would bill 358 to 371 (13kl). I didn't worry too much.

Then I discovered a massive leak, exactly where they had connected the incoming pipe to the meter. It was a few days after I installed a 1500lt JoJo tank for backup. SO I closed the incoming valve to stop the leak, and ran off the tank (with booster pump). The water in the tank lasted me more than 7 days! This meant my average use per month was actually in the region of 5 - 6 kl per month, meaning that the leak had been there, undiscovered for a long time! No matter, I reported it to the relevant department. And rereported it daily, on WhatsApp and by email, copying all and sundry, including the mayor, for 21 days! Every time my tank ran dry, I would open the valve, let it refill the tank while leaking away, and then close it. 

It was only after I approached the previous mayor (read DA), that I got some joy. They came out to check, contractors obviously, as our water dept. employees are only there to use the municipal bakkies as taxis, and a director of the said contracting company. They all agreed that the initial installation was wrong, should have been outside of the property, and, that it was a poor install. So, as per my request, they removed it, and reinstalled it outside, and made good the connection inside. Eventually! Ever since, my monthly average use is 5lk! I still take and send the photo every month....however - 

On my last statement I received for the period 03/01/2025 to 02/02/2025, I noticed two things,1) they billing me for 20kl of water, which means 6kl at one rate, 9kl at a higher rate, and 5kl at maximum rate (sliding scale - the more you use, the more you pay). And the reading, instead of being 354 to 359 (5kl) is 1357 to 1377 (20lk)!!! Where the hell do they get this.

So I checked back, and from Oct last year, they have used fictitious readings, starting in the 1000's, where my meter is still in the 100's.

So, off to the municipal offices. Stand for 1 hr and 15 minutes in a queue (only 6 people in front of me), because as the employee finishes with someone, they leave, and no one comes back for 10 minutes. Then someone else comes, helps one client, and leaves, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Eventually, I get to speak to someone, who takes me serious. Asks for my readings from Oct. 2024. Lucky I still have the photos on my phone, so I can give the readings to her. She promises to redo my statements, and that I will receive a corrected statement for this month.

Needless to say, I have not received anything. Online check confirms my statement is still the same as previously received. An email sent will go unanswered.

So today, I am going back to the sad queue, loaded with all the paperwork, photos, proof of their incompetency. I will remain there till they issue me with a new, correct statement. Failing that, I will be going to see the mayor, and don't think I'm going to be nice.

So it's 3 hours later. I went armed with copies of statements, emails sent, and my personal spreadsheet showing every reading taken since the meter was installed. As per the norm, I spent almost an hour in the queue. Of the 3 ladies assiting (yup, there were 3 today), one didn't have a computer on her desk (no way she's going to be of any help), the second one seemed to enjoy chit chatting with the clients who sat at her desk (not really interested in the people still waiting in the queue), and the 3rd lady, seemed to know what she was doing. If nothing else, I would let those behind me pass through until lady no 3 was available.

As luck would have it, I go to see her. She listened, she looked at whatI had brought with, and took it away, to consult with someone. I did mention as she was walking away, that  wasn't planning on leaving till I had a revised statement in my hands!

She was away for maybe 20 minutes - no problem, I was playing poker on my cellphone :).

When she returned, she presented me with all my papers, and a revised statement, which shows all the required credits and debits going back 9 months (from when this mistake started) as well as my current outstanding balance, which is R600 less than the one I got last week! So, she listened, and did her job, and did it well! She also complimented me on my record keeping, and said I should continue with that.

And, she confirmed that the problems started when my emails stopped coming through. It would seem that there was a glitch in their system, and my emails were probably going to spam. Okay, I will give them the benefit of the doubt, this time.... All's well that ends well!

Have a blessed day!